"Shop around all you want, you'll never find a better penis than this one."

"We saw a play about pedophilia on our date." That was my comment when we came out of the theater, and it was perfectly true. Shane laughed. It was a good play, don't get me wrong. It was called "How I Learned to Drive", about a girl and her (unrelated) uncle, who starts molesting her when she's eleven. She's looking back in time and talking about it, with little scenes about what actually happened. Some of it was a little disturbing to watch, not because they did so much but because of what it was supposed to represent. Two of my friends were doing important behind-the-scenes roles: Fiona (Fiona!!) was doing the stage managing and Adam did the sets. So we went in part to support them. Then we went to an early dinner at (where else?) Pad Thai. I actually got something that wasn't curry. I think Shane was shocked. This is only the second time in nearly three years that we've gone there and I've gotten something other than curry. Oh, and the usual waiter wasn't there. We clearly don't go there enough anymore because the lady today was new and didn't realize that we know what we're doing. (She admonished us to really stir the tea, or it would be too sweet. I was already stirring it.) Or what we usually order. (The other lady comes out, sees us, and says, "Oh, hi! Same thing?")
It's been a good weekend, though. Yesterday we went to James' parents' house because they're out of town, and also have a sauna and hot tub. James and his sister (and Lucy, of course) had invited people over to enjoy a spa evening and for dinner. So relaxing, and just what everyone needed, I think. So many of us have been sick (I took 1 1/2 sick days this past week) that it felt amazing. Not quite as good as when it's -30, like it was last time we did this, but still great. And being under freezing, it was cool enough that coming out of the sauna, people would stand and stare at the stars for ten or so minutes, cooling off. Did I mention that his parents live waaaay out there? The Northern Lights didn't pop out until we were leaving, but they did make an appearance and I got to admire them in the car. Anyway, we jumped in the sauna after Ruth and her friends, then outside, then back in the sauna, and then into the hot tub. (Is that one word or two?) I was so relaxed that I let my legs float because it just seemed like too much effort to keep them down. And for a little bit, I used Shane's legs as an anchor. It was great. After one more excursion into the sauna, we were done for and went inside to chat. One of Ruth's friends brought over ready-to-eat cheesecake filling, graham crackers and cherry topping. That actually makes an amazing little dessert, to just smear the cheesecake stuff on the crackers and put a couple cherries on top. I had two graham halves, then looked at the nutrition label on the tub of cheesecake to stop myself from eating any more. (12 grams of fat per serving!) Such a good evening.
As I write, my kitty is dedicatedly knocking everything off my desk that he can touch his little paws to. Tonight he's finally given up on being good and has once again decided to see what he can get away with.
Also, my dog is getting horrendously fat. I know it's my fault (until yesterday, it had been a week since she last got a walk), but it's getting harder to walk her so much. Not only is it colder (not too cold, but since she got a haircut two weeks ago, I'm concerned it might be cold for her) but the sun is setting early now. Which makes walking during the week problematic. I have to go right after work or we miss our chance. I thought moving into a neighborhood would make it easier, but there are no streetlights. I know it's a good neighborhood, but I still don't trust it. There could be moose out there! And then there are the stories, like one from this summer, about a guy in Soldotna who went on a walk with his dogs and had to kill a charging bear with a .45 pistol he just happened to be carrying.... But we got two good romps around the University field in this weekend. I love being able to let go of the leash and knowing that she'll come to me when I call.
Ok, I have to go start laundry. My gym clothes stink. I can't decide if that's truly a bad thing, because it means I've been working out a lot. Or that I need more gym clothes, so that I don't have to keep wearing the same ones over and over.

"Go, Speed Racer!"

Last night was rather perfect, for a Saturday night unexpectedly spent doing nothing much. Shane got home from playing nerd games at a friends' house and said, "I really, really don't feel well." He had a fever and said he ached all over. He also warned me, "I've been kinda surly today, so if I say something mean, I really don't mean it. I just don't feel good." He was quite pleasant, for the most part, and the few things he did say that got on my nerves were meant to be jokes. (And he apologized immediately, saying that I was an absolute angel to take care of him. Girlfriend points, oh yes.) He finally took a nap and I turned on Speed Racer, keeping one ear on Shane. He was talking in his sleep earlier this week and it made me laugh so hard. At the time, it took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on because his eyes were open and he was staring at me. He kept saying, "You need to build another path." Me: "Huh? What are you talking about?" Him: "*Sigh* You need at least six more squares of path to get to me." Me: "Hon, I asked you about dinner. What are you talking about?" Him: "I know what you're talking about. Gosh, you're so stupid if you can't get this. We can only harvest once. The zombies will get to us." Me: "Um, are you sleeping?" Him: "No! Stupid. The zombies will come and get us. You need to build a path." About this point he got up, stumbled to the bed (he'd been sleeping in his computer chair) and fell down, snoring almost immediately. I lost it and had to run into the kitchen so I wouldn't wake him up with my laughing. I told him all about it when he finally did wake up later on. I'm guessing his dream was a mix of FarmVille and Zombieland. So funny. Even him calling me stupid for not getting it. Apparently he won't take any change of subject when he's dreaming about zombies.
So, yeah. We stayed in all night last night. And it was fun. About halfway through Speed Racer I paused it to talk on the phone with my best friend. That surprised us both by being almost a 2-hour conversation, but it was a good one. And we needed it. It's been too long since we really got to talk, uninterrupted, that way.
I've made a bunch of juice and we have tons of leftovers in the fridge, just in case I get sick as well. Although, Shane says he's feeling much better today. His fever seems to have gone away and he's not sore anymore. He's still not great, but way better. I think it helps that he slept until about 3:30 this afternoon, too. I don't know how he can stand doing that. But he has both broomball (he's the captain of the team) and soccer playoffs tonight. I'm going to cheer him on for broomball, since they've got the early game (10:30) and it's against his little brother's team.
I keep feeling like there's just not enough time in the day for everything. The apartment is a mess and, honestly, it's kind of falling apart. The house was built in the sixties, and some of it hasn't been changed since then. Like the oven. When I was on the phone last night I was baking bread and the handle for the oven came off when I went to open it. When I told my roommate he said that the handle to open one of the windows in his room had broken yesterday. Luckily, the window is closed, but if he opened it he would need to close it from outside. This is added to all of our daily mess and the stuff that just never quite seems to get cleaned up. I have neither the time nor the energy lately to really want to do anything about it. Maybe I'm just lazy with the changing of the seasons. Or now that there's stuff for me to do again, I'm choosing fun things over keeping the house clean. Probably that. Oh well.
I have been making time for the gym, though. And I feel so much better because of it. And I made sure to take my dog on long walks this weekend, with plenty of running-in-the-fields time. (We go to one of the fields on campus and I drop the leash so that she can run where she pleases.) I watched her sniffing around the long grass on the sledding hill (still sadly bereft of snow, although it's finally getting colder) and thought, wow. This is what she was bred to do. She actually probably would have made a great hunting dog if I'd been inclined to train her that way. She kept coming back to me, though, and I finally told her, "Silly dog! All this time and space to run and you're sticking by my side? Go play!" It took a lot of urging to get her to budge from my side for more than thirty seconds.

"With our powers combined we call...Plaptain Planet!"

This weekend has gone by way too quickly. It's so sad to me how soon after starting my new job that I almost constantly feel like I need a vacation. There have even been times when I wished I'd get sick because that would give me the perfect excuse to stay home all day and sleep. Working sucks. I can almost sympathize with the wife in the show "Glee" who says, "I'm just not built to work five days a week." Does it get any easier?
Anyway, Friday night was pretty chill. We went to Value Village with a bunch of people to get costumes for our Saturday night adventures, then had a few friends over here to play a card game called "Killer Bunnies". (Really fun--it's all about screwing everyone else over, and the winner is pretty random.) I tried to stay up a little late, but by midnight my eyes were closing.
I ended up waking up at 8:30 the next morning, thinking about my stupid Facebook Farmville game. I've been playing that way too much lately, mostly to counteract the boredom I've been feeling at work. Plus, Shane's started playing it and we've made it into a little contest. Although I think we're playing for different reasons: he's trying to level up faster than me and get more mastery levels, while I'm trying to get at least as many mastery levels and focusing more on the ribbons. It's pretty amusing.
Anyway, I tried to go back to sleep and was only partially successful. The kitty came to snuggle with me, though, and that was nice. He's in a very affectionate mood lately.
So I was super tired most of the day. I had to bike over to a friend's house where Shane and the guys were going to play games so that I could get Hannah's car from Spencer (this gets very convoluted, sorry) so that I could take the dog to the groomer's. I was late, then Spencer was even later, so I had to race around getting the dog and then going to the groomers.
As soon as I got back home, Lucy called. She was in a mood to bake so she came over with some ingredients and set to work. I flipped through a magazine she'd brought over and made some Amish friendship bread (didn't turn out that great, I'll try a different recipe next time). Finally, I had to go get the dog but Lucy's pie was still in the oven so she stayed here to watch over that while I went to get the dog. Instead of just dropping the dog off at home and going to get Spencer, I ended up mentioning how tired I was to Lucy and taking a quick nap when she left. By the time I woke up I had two texts from Spencer and he'd called, asking politely when I was going to bring the car back. He and Hannah wanted to go out for food. So I raced back over there, then biked home again and took Pepper for a walk. (She gets quite needy...okay, she's needy all the time, but especially after going to the vet or the groomer.)
Shane called me because he, Adam, Galloway and Dustin wanted to know about going out to dinner. We went to Tubby's BBQ, a total hole-in-the-wall place that was surprisingly good. Adam said the pork was kinda dry, and since he's a chef he explained what they should have done differently, but everyone else loved theirs.
And then came the main event: we all separated to get ready for 80's karaoke. I made my hair as big as I could (which, it turns out, is not very big) and wore a plaid mini-skirt over knee-length leggings with a plain black shirt. If I could have found some, I would totally have worn lacy half-gloves for the Madonna look. Oh well. Shane wore ripped jeans, one of my white shirts (so that it would be nice and tight), a denim vest and aviators. Hot. We looked totally hot. And most of our friends at the Pub were dressed up as well. We sang so much. Journey, Queen, Michael Jackson, "Land Down Under"....good times. Shane and Mitch did a fantastic version of "You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'", starting with the whole "Top Gun" spiel about, "I think she's lost that feeling, Goose." It was such a fun evening. Capping it all off, we got to watch Chris be totally wasted and try to dance with a girl who obviously didn't want to dance with him. Hilarious. At the end of the evening we were taking a bunch of pictures with each other's cameras. (Casey, Galloway and I had all brought cameras.) Got some good pictures. And randomly, some drunk native guy came over to our table and sat down with us. He was being weird. Shane and Galloway left really quickly. I got a few great pictures with that guy looking totally pleased and oblivious while Casey and Shanti are making WTF faces. He ended up licking Shanti's ear. Licking it! Shanti ran off and that guy turned to me, and said something about me smiling. I got fed up and said something about going to find Shane so that we could leave, then just went to the bathroom. By the time I got back he was gone. Adam said he and Casey just started ignoring him and he left. Weird guy. He'd been table dancing earlier in the evening. And not in a funny way, in a kinda creepy, I'm-too-drunk way.
Yeah. Today we went to see "Zombieland", which is also hilarious. Then I went to the gym to obey Rule #1: Cardio. I'm too sedentary in my job and it's starting to show, so I'm trying to get to the gym several days a week. Yesterday was a bust, but I felt good about it today! I'll be sure to get to volleyball early tomorrow so that I can work out beforehand. Or after, if we have the early game. And then broomball at night! Woo-hoo!

"Don't stop believin', hold on to that feelin'."

The most bizarre incident happened to me on Thursday night. Shane and I went to the Pub on campus the other night They had a wine tasting hosted by our upstairs neighbor, which friends were going to, so we hung out. Bruce, the neighbor, is an alcohol distributor and is allergic to alcohol (yeah, he knows how odd that is) and he's the one who gives us free beer and such, which Shane took to softball all summer and I've been using to make beer bread. Anyway, it was very informative and fun, and afterward we decided to stay until it was time to go to Shane's broomball game. Toward the end of the evening, I had to pee and went to the bathroom. Now, I've pretty much stopped carrying a purse except for special occasions because I hate keeping track of it. So I carry my important cards in my back pocket. Well, apparently the pockets on my pants were too small, because when I pulled them up, the cards fell into the toilet. I was standing there, staring at it and rapidly trying to think of what to do. Obviously, sticking my hand into a public toilet full of my urine was my last choice. I was wondering if the Pub staff would have something I could fish them out with when the toilet took even that option away from me by auto-flushing. I saw my life literally go down the toilet. My credit and debit cards, my driver's license, and my University ID. I panicked and ran out of the bathroom, which happens to be right next to the front door where two Pub girls were checking ID's. I quickly explained and asked, "What do I do?!" One of them told me, "Oh, gosh, honey, there's nothing we can do. They're gone." So I ran back into the bathroom to see if any had floated back out. Nothing. In a total daze, I went back to our table and told Shane, "You'll never guess what just happened to me." He, of course, started laughing as soon as I told him. "You'll be able to laugh about this soon, too. I'm sorry. That really does suck." So I had to call and cancel my credit and debit cards when we got home, just in case they show up and someone's desperate enough to grab them. (Hey, it's a University.) How do these things happen to me?
Luckily, the only one that will be kind of a pain to replace is my driver's license, because my car still isn't running so I'm not sure how I'll get over there to replace it.
I tried starting my car today and it made a weird thumping noise, which can't be good, and when I got out there was a slight burning smell. I'm not pleased. When I called my dad he said, "Wow, you just have the worst luck with cars." Thanks, Dad.
I started watching the show "Glee", which is fantastic. I loved it from the first moment they played Journey.
Other than this, there hasn't been much going on. Work is still boring, although my boss has finally been able to start buying some books so it will pick up just a little bit soon. Our book budget is only $15,000 which sounds like a lot, but really isn't in terms of textbooks. One set of three reference books she was hoping to get the newest edition of costs almost $1300. So not going to happen. Poor Anne has been second-guessing all of her book choices, wanting to be sure they're the right and most useful books for our library. I don't envy her that job.