Fairbanks managed to fool me once again. I put away the long underwear too soon because it was -15 this morning and all I had for a second layer on my legs were some very, very thin leggings. Since I also left my heavy winter coat at home it was a cold walk. (My torso was warm enough in my jacket, but my legs froze. My coat is long and would have mitigated some of that.) Brr! Have I learned my lesson? Probably not.
My house is full of craziness this week. Rehearsals every night for "Jesus Christ Superstar", which by the way would be a totally forgotten musical if it wasn't on a religious theme. The music isn't great and the storyline (as a story) is sort of meh. But theatrically we're doing some neat things so if you're in Fairbanks it's totally worth coming to see. (It's being performed at Friends Church, over off Lathrop.) I know, what a rousing endorsement, but I'm serious that it's still worth seeing. The cast is great (if Judas can ever pull it together--which is fun to say, by the way) and as I said, there's some theatrical stuff which is really neat and thought-provoking but I don't want to give it all away.
The upside to my being so busy, however, is that it's spring break (a term I can never say without thinking of this) so Shane is suddenly not terribly busy. He's got a bit of homework to do, but mostly he's got free time so he's been doing the house chores and the cooking. He's loving this time off. He's getting back into an exercise routine (which he has neglected since the start of the semester) and doing all of the other little things he hasn't found time for until now.
Spring break also means that I get Friday off as a holiday, although work is so slow that I honestly don't know why I don't have the whole week off. (I could take vacation time, but I'm saving that for important and fun things this summer, like our freinds' wedding and possibly a dipnetting trip as well.)
I feel like I haven't talked much in the past few months about sustainability efforts. Honestly, there really hasn't been anything to report. Other than normal stuff (trying to reduce our garbage, buying locally as much as possible, etc.) there really hasn't been much to say. Umm, we're trying to eat what we have in our freezers so that they'll be ready to be cleaned out and then refilled this summer? I'm sure you're fascinated by that tidbit. However, I will say that the dog is thrilled about this since we've found a bunch of freezer-burned salmon that we're cooking up and feeding to her.
But, spring is coming! The reason I was tricked about the temperature this morning is because I'm fairly confident that Breakup is starting. Waaaaaaay early, which is a bit scary, but personally nice since with a bit more melting I can start biking everywhere again and perhaps even start the gardening a bit early this year. I received a seed catalog back in January and mixed with my joy was a bit of disappointment knowing that I'd have to wait months to get a start on my gardening. (Have I mentioned how impatient I am?) I'm not actually going to buy any more seeds this year since I have plenty from last year. As alluring as the thought is of getting new varieties and trying new things I really do think that it would be best to concentrate on improving my skills with what I already have. I'm going to try to do much better with my peas this year (plant them outside a bit earlier, plant more of them), and I have other goals that I wrote down at the end of last year (and I'm so glad I did write them down).
I'm going to try new things too. I didn't get a single parsnip to germinate last year so this year I'm going to start them indoors, in toilet paper tubes. The cardboard roll will decompose, but it will be wide enough during that process that it won't constrict the parsnips. Also, since they're long they will provide the parsnip with a decent start of good soil. If I can gather enough tubes (anyone else want to start saving them for me?) I'll probably start some carrots that way too, since other than my small Parisienne carrots mine were a failure last year. But, I'll still have to wait a few more weeks until I can even think about starting plants.
Which doesn't meant that my green thumb is totally going to waste. There are always houseplants! At work I've propagated several new spider plants and added to the general greenery. I've found more places to put some so our library is going to be covered in spider plants soon. :) In addition, I can start some new cherry tomato plants as soon as I remember to bring the seeds and dirt from home. I'm not going to do any beans or peas at work this year, since that didn't work so well last year, so I've got space for about four cherry tomato plants. That should give us enough tomatoes each week for a few salads, once they start producing.
At home, since two of my plants died while we were away for the holidays, I also started two new spider plants. I'm looking, always looking, for more places to put new plants. I found a tutorial on Pinterest about how to make a sort of hanging plant holder out of old t-shirts but the question is, where would I hang it? Hmmm....
On the non-sustainable, very expensive but sort of (sadly) necessary front, Shane and I are finally looking into buying a car. We've set ourselves the end point of the last week of April to find a car. If we can't find a used one that we want by then (finding a used, manual Subaru Outback that isn't ancient is tough!) we'll bite the bullet and just buy a new one. We think we might have found one, and we'll find out today if it gets sold before we have a chance at it. (It's also in Seattle, so the logistics are difficult. Thank you, Dravis, for helping us!) I'm hoping that the people who are looking at it this morning say, "Oh, wait, it's a manual?! Never mind."
The reasons we're finally buying a car are many and varied, but the most pressing one is that Shane's job will start in mid-May and he'll need reliable transportation to get out there. Last summer he rode his motorcycle as often as possible but it has several recurring problems and isn't as reliable as he wants. So one of his projects this week is to sell it on Craigslist. He's already got one offer, but for a lot less than he was asking, so cross your fingers that the other guy is willing to come up a bit.
We've had so many conversations lately about things. Like, will Shane buy a different (and different sort of) motorcycle this year? They are far more efficient than any car (to get to camp last summer it took about $5 in gas) but we're not sure if it would be worth the initial cost for a job which he's maybe only going to have for this summer. It depends on a number of factors, which are also conversations we're having. Like, what will we do about employment during the autumn? Shane has decided that, as wonderful as it was to be able to focus only on taking classes this semester, he wants to get at least a part-time job in the fall. He'll ask if there are any office jobs with the mining company, but if not...? The unknown factors drive me crazy in conversations like that.
We're also figuring out what we want to do with the money he makes this summer. How much we want to put toward student loan debt, how much we want to put into savings/investments. I sort of feel that reducing debt is just as important as saving, but with the low interest rate on the student loan debt and the higher interest rate on the investments (look at me sounding like an adult! a really boring one....) Shane would rather focus on saving. I made a pretty good argument, however, that our monthly bottom line is just as important, and how much we pay each month toward the debt (which is, admittedly, more than the minimum already) is a large chunk of change. When I put it in terms of, "Well, rent is $X and the debt payment is $X, which only leaves $X out of my pay for everything else," that made an impression on him. The fact that the third $X, the one for "everything else", barely covers electricity in the winter was probably what did it. So, I think we've got a plan worked out that both of us are happy with.
I love spring. It's a time with lots of renewal, lots of change, and lots of things to look forward to. 2013 is going to be a great year.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Radio silence and snapshots of my life
I have had no energy. The thought of doing anything above and beyond what I absolutely feel I must has made me want to turn into a giant whiny baby. Part of this is because I've had so much which came to fruition in the past week or so (Symphony concert, both of our birthdays) and part of it is because I got the stomach flu last week. (Yes, Hannah, it really was the stomach flu.) Side note: don't decide to clean out your cat's litter box when you have the stomach flu. Telling yourself, "Oh, well, I'm home and I have the time so I should take care of that..." is a bad idea. Talk yourself out of it.
A little bit of my malaise, I'm sure, is also because I'm just flat-out feeling overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions. I've barely kept up with the reading for my class, which in turn has made me feel like I've fallen down the rabbit hole. (Literary criticism. We've gotten to the point where there is no Truth. Or if there is Truth, it's all completely individual and based on our own perceptions, experiences, and knowledge of ourselves. So maybe there are many Truths? Except, we can't ever really know ourselves even because we deceive even ourselves. But looking outside to the author for Truth is even worse. The author is dead, meaningless! You must look inside for the Truth which may or may not exist and which you might or might not ever find. Just to paraphrase what I've learned so far....) The mental gymnastics involved in going through one school of literary criticism each week is fun, but also rather trying.
In addition, there's been a lot of work stress lately. Of the I totally don't want to work here anymore kind. Projects I'm working on have no real direction so my coworker and I have been alternately scolded for not doing things we were told not to do, and then scolded for doing things we were told to do. I've also had to deal with a lot of office politics bullshit, and have pretty much decided that I just hate the administrative people I have to work with. One lesson learned, however: keep all email communications, even if they don't seem important. I was yelled at for not giving someone information that I'm quite certain I sent to her--several times--but I deleted the emails which would prove me right. From now on, when I deal with certain people I'm going to save each and every email.
The fact that I have to just pisses me off.
On top of being sick, the past week or so has had moments like these:
Just as I was putting my coat on the other day to leave for work (a few minutes late already) the cat threw up at my feet.
Last night Shane and I got to have this conversation at about 9:00,
Me (in the bathroom): Crap!
Shane (in the bedroom): [mummbles something]
Me: What?
Shane: Umm, you just said 'crap' while in the bathroom. I hate to ask, but what's wrong?
Me: Oh, I just realized that I put my underwear on inside out this morning and didn't notice until right now.
Leaving for class the other night, I was packing up my bag. I'd loaded some pdfs of the reading material on my Nook and just as I was grabbing it off the desk, the dog decided that she needed to go outside. So I forgot my Nook and looked totally unprepared in class.
None of it is major, but so many little things add up. I feel like my brain is melting, or like someone is gaslighting me.
There is also stuff that I haven't wanted to put on the blog, but I will now with an explanation. We started looking into buying a house. We're not even sure if we think it would be the best decision right now, but it was something we at least wanted to look into. I didn't think it would take so much effort just to look, though. Real estate agent wouldn't even talk to us unless we got bank approval, so we had to fill out tons and tons of forms, and then we sort of scraped by with the bank. Which we realized would happen, thank you student loans, and is part of the reason we hadn't been entirely sure this would be the right decision in the first place! So...I sort of feel like we jumped through all these hoops to probably arrive at the decision that we're still not yet in a position to buy a house. Probably.
The one really, really good thing to come out of all this is that Shane and I have been talking--almost endlessly--about future plans. Well, not plans. Shane hates that word, because plans always go awry. But ideas about what we'd both like for ourselves, where we think we're headed, all of that good stuff. You know, plans. But all of it is very general, because most of it is based on things that we don't/can't know yet.
So I've kept my own sort of radio silence, not wanting to just complain constantly. We have had some awesomely fun things going on. Our birthdays were over the weekend (they're back to back) and that was fantastic. Even with all of the busy-ness with the Symphony concert and the extra rehearsals for it, it was wonderful. We went to karaoke Friday night and I strained my voice (I was still recovering from being sick after all). Saturday night we had a bunch of people over--close to 20, I think--to talk and play games. No one stayed too late (most cleared out by about 12:30) but it was a great time. Sunday we got to celebrate by ourselves. It wasn't anything big, we just went out for Thai food (gift from my parents--they sent money so we could do that!) and enjoyed each other's company.
We have so much birthday cake left in our house. Well, birthday desserts since Shane's not a huge fan of cake. But holy cow. I've eaten so much sugar in the past few days as we try to get rid of it without wasting it. I'm very much looking forward to going back to our normal good eating habits.
And back to exercising, since I didn't really do that at all when I was sick. I feel lazy.
This week is sort of my recovery week. I'm not sick anymore, thankfully, so I'm gearing up to Get Shit Done once again. Our house is super clean (great side benefit to inviting so many people over!) except for the kitchen, so I don't really have to worry about that so much. I'm going to focus on getting caught up on schoolwork, on getting myself a little ahead with my own personal projects, and spending plenty of time relaxing to gear up for next week. (Hell Week for the show--at least 3 hours of rehearsal every night starting next Sunday and culminating in the first show on Friday night.) But, I get next Friday off as a holiday!
This is sort of related, in a general looking at the bright spots way, but a friend of ours joked that if our dog had thumbs, she'd be calling 911 all the time. And it has become a running joke in our house. "There's someone on the sidewalk! They might be a potential intruder, call the cops!" "I'm cold. Someone stole all my hair. Call the cops!" "Mom's 2 minutes late coming home. She's been kidnapped, call the cops!" "Mom bumped something and said ow. She broke something, I know it, call an ambulance!" It doesn't get old, at least not to us.
So, there are bright spots to look forward to. I'm hanging onto those as hard as I can.
A little bit of my malaise, I'm sure, is also because I'm just flat-out feeling overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions. I've barely kept up with the reading for my class, which in turn has made me feel like I've fallen down the rabbit hole. (Literary criticism. We've gotten to the point where there is no Truth. Or if there is Truth, it's all completely individual and based on our own perceptions, experiences, and knowledge of ourselves. So maybe there are many Truths? Except, we can't ever really know ourselves even because we deceive even ourselves. But looking outside to the author for Truth is even worse. The author is dead, meaningless! You must look inside for the Truth which may or may not exist and which you might or might not ever find. Just to paraphrase what I've learned so far....) The mental gymnastics involved in going through one school of literary criticism each week is fun, but also rather trying.
In addition, there's been a lot of work stress lately. Of the I totally don't want to work here anymore kind. Projects I'm working on have no real direction so my coworker and I have been alternately scolded for not doing things we were told not to do, and then scolded for doing things we were told to do. I've also had to deal with a lot of office politics bullshit, and have pretty much decided that I just hate the administrative people I have to work with. One lesson learned, however: keep all email communications, even if they don't seem important. I was yelled at for not giving someone information that I'm quite certain I sent to her--several times--but I deleted the emails which would prove me right. From now on, when I deal with certain people I'm going to save each and every email.
The fact that I have to just pisses me off.
On top of being sick, the past week or so has had moments like these:
Just as I was putting my coat on the other day to leave for work (a few minutes late already) the cat threw up at my feet.
Last night Shane and I got to have this conversation at about 9:00,
Me (in the bathroom): Crap!
Shane (in the bedroom): [mummbles something]
Me: What?
Shane: Umm, you just said 'crap' while in the bathroom. I hate to ask, but what's wrong?
Me: Oh, I just realized that I put my underwear on inside out this morning and didn't notice until right now.
Leaving for class the other night, I was packing up my bag. I'd loaded some pdfs of the reading material on my Nook and just as I was grabbing it off the desk, the dog decided that she needed to go outside. So I forgot my Nook and looked totally unprepared in class.
None of it is major, but so many little things add up. I feel like my brain is melting, or like someone is gaslighting me.
There is also stuff that I haven't wanted to put on the blog, but I will now with an explanation. We started looking into buying a house. We're not even sure if we think it would be the best decision right now, but it was something we at least wanted to look into. I didn't think it would take so much effort just to look, though. Real estate agent wouldn't even talk to us unless we got bank approval, so we had to fill out tons and tons of forms, and then we sort of scraped by with the bank. Which we realized would happen, thank you student loans, and is part of the reason we hadn't been entirely sure this would be the right decision in the first place! So...I sort of feel like we jumped through all these hoops to probably arrive at the decision that we're still not yet in a position to buy a house. Probably.
The one really, really good thing to come out of all this is that Shane and I have been talking--almost endlessly--about future plans. Well, not plans. Shane hates that word, because plans always go awry. But ideas about what we'd both like for ourselves, where we think we're headed, all of that good stuff. You know, plans. But all of it is very general, because most of it is based on things that we don't/can't know yet.
So I've kept my own sort of radio silence, not wanting to just complain constantly. We have had some awesomely fun things going on. Our birthdays were over the weekend (they're back to back) and that was fantastic. Even with all of the busy-ness with the Symphony concert and the extra rehearsals for it, it was wonderful. We went to karaoke Friday night and I strained my voice (I was still recovering from being sick after all). Saturday night we had a bunch of people over--close to 20, I think--to talk and play games. No one stayed too late (most cleared out by about 12:30) but it was a great time. Sunday we got to celebrate by ourselves. It wasn't anything big, we just went out for Thai food (gift from my parents--they sent money so we could do that!) and enjoyed each other's company.
We have so much birthday cake left in our house. Well, birthday desserts since Shane's not a huge fan of cake. But holy cow. I've eaten so much sugar in the past few days as we try to get rid of it without wasting it. I'm very much looking forward to going back to our normal good eating habits.
And back to exercising, since I didn't really do that at all when I was sick. I feel lazy.
This week is sort of my recovery week. I'm not sick anymore, thankfully, so I'm gearing up to Get Shit Done once again. Our house is super clean (great side benefit to inviting so many people over!) except for the kitchen, so I don't really have to worry about that so much. I'm going to focus on getting caught up on schoolwork, on getting myself a little ahead with my own personal projects, and spending plenty of time relaxing to gear up for next week. (Hell Week for the show--at least 3 hours of rehearsal every night starting next Sunday and culminating in the first show on Friday night.) But, I get next Friday off as a holiday!
This is sort of related, in a general looking at the bright spots way, but a friend of ours joked that if our dog had thumbs, she'd be calling 911 all the time. And it has become a running joke in our house. "There's someone on the sidewalk! They might be a potential intruder, call the cops!" "I'm cold. Someone stole all my hair. Call the cops!" "Mom's 2 minutes late coming home. She's been kidnapped, call the cops!" "Mom bumped something and said ow. She broke something, I know it, call an ambulance!" It doesn't get old, at least not to us.
So, there are bright spots to look forward to. I'm hanging onto those as hard as I can.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Catching up
I've had a lot to say lately and yet not very much. Nothing that would make for a real, cohesive post. It's still winter, and I've entered that blah phase where I just want winter to be done. I'm tired of the cold and the layers of clothing and the lack of daylight. The light is coming back rapidly but not fast enough for my taste. I know I've complained about this time of year before so I didn't want to write a whole post where I just repeat what I feel every year around this time.
However, I'm not the only one who's feeling this way. Our poor pets! The cat has been wanting to go outside, but it's still cold outside so he only goes out for a few minutes to sit on the edge of the porch and sulk. When he's inside he's been a bit aggressive (he'll let me pet him for a second or two, then he complains at me and bats my hand away or stalks off), and very loud. Not a happy camper. So we've been drugging him with catnip to keep him happy. It's not the best solution, but when he's high on nip is the only time he's not anxious and testy. I think that at some point, most likely after we buy a house (whenever that is), we'll discuss getting another cat to be a friend/companion for him.
The dog, too, is ready for spring. Despite my attempts a few weeks ago to trim her down a bit, her hair is out of control. It's making her itchy and too hot, so she's been scratching herself constantly and leaving bits of herself around the house. I vacuumed recently but you'd never know it by the state of our carpets. I just feel so bad for her! The overheating problem means that she also wants to be let outside frequently. (But she doesn't want to stay out there, because that's not where her people are. So it's in and out all evening.) If I get her a haircut she'll be shivering and cold and since we're scheduled to get down to the negative teens this weekend it could be dangerous for her to suddenly get all her hair shaved off. She needs to wait just a couple more weeks, until the beginning of March, and then I'll schedule a haircut for her. In the meantime, I feel like a monster.
I was messaging with a friend yesterday and when she asked me how Shane and I are doing I answered, "Busy." I realized that that's become my default answer and, while it is accurate, I kind of hate that answer. It's meaningless, really. Everyone is busy. Also, there is an attitude among people that if you're busy then you're somehow Very Important. Anyone who's less busy than you just isn't as important as you or they'd have more demands on their time, right? I think this is tied to people who spend so much of their time complaining that stay at home moms "don't actually work". (Why is it somehow considered work to raise kids when the work is outsourced to a daycare, but not when a mom or dad chooses to raise their own kids?!?) Saying that you're so busy or claiming that you work harder than others are just ways to pretend that you're better than other people. It's a very subtle, "Fuck you, because I'm better than you are." And I hate that that's the message I've been sending out, even inadvertently. I'm not sure yet what I'm going to say when other people ask how we've been doing, but it's definitely deserving of a better answer.
Honestly, we are busy. There's truth behind the statement. But not because we're somehow better, or because we're trying to see just how much we can cram into our days and show off. It's just a busy period and things will slow down again at some point. Also, it's the good kind of busy. The kind that's made us focus on what's really important, the kind which has forced us to be more organized and to remember to get things done in a timely fashion. Somehow, in all the busy, we've managed to keep our apartment looking cleaner than it is when we've got lots of time on our hands. (Well, except the carpet.) It's even, in a way, brought me and Shane closer together because we're doing our best to remember that when the other person has done something like cleaned up the dishes, it also means that they took time out of their busy schedule and that it means you don't have to worry about that detail. That's deserving of a thank you, at the very least. We've been giving each other verbal high-fives all over the place to show our appreciation. We've been trying to be very respectful of the other's need for time to themselves, and time to work on their own things. And as cheesy as it is, we'll leave little "I love you, btw I fed the pets" kinds of notes around the house when we won't get to see each other for most of the day.
One thing we don't usually do is sit down together for dinner. Well, we will, but we'll put on a movie or a TV show (often something we've seen before so that we don't mind interrupting to talk about our day or something funny we heard, or just whatever's in our heads). I grew up in a family which sat down together for dinner pretty much every night. Occasionally someone would be missing but mostly we'd all be there, in the dining room and with the TV off. Those were great times and it definitely brought us closer together as a family. But as a couple Shane and I haven't put the emphasis on dinner together and I think we both figured we'd start doing that more after we have kids. Well, with the start of this semester, dinner together is sometimes the only time we can scrape together in an evening. (Hello, Tuesdays!) Other nights, we don't even get that. (Hello, Mondays!) So we're making more of an effort to actually sit at the table together and chat about our day, catch up, plan and organize. With as much as we have going on, it's not like we have a lack of subjects to discuss!
When we need to, we've also managed to clear our schedules to spend a decent chunk of time together. We took time out yesterday for Valentine's Day/our Pseudoversary. (Six years together!) I made dinner, and it was delicious. (Beer chicken, sweet potato biscuits, and green beans, with this pie for dessert.) We hung out and chatted and we didn't buy anything for each other but we didn't need to. (We made plans to go see the new "Die Hard" movie this weekend. It's my romantic gift to him.)
The one thing I've been trying to keep doing, if for no other reason than for my own sanity, is to workout 4-5 days each week. Last weekend was bright and beautiful and not too cold so on Sunday I took the dog for a run and, somehow, pulled some of the stabilizing muscles in my left flank. (My hip ached in several different directions, and it definitely wasn't my power muscles I pulled.) I must have slipped on the ice in such a way that I didn't really notice, but somehow tweaked my muscles. It hurt. It also occurred at almost exactly the halfway point of our run so I had to hobble/jog the rest of the way home. (It probably wasn't great for me, but I did jog part of the way because I didn't want to get too cold. That would have been worse.) It felt bad enough that I called my boss that evening and said I probably wouldn't be able to make it to work the next day. Walk up the hill when I could barely walk to the bathroom? Uh, no. I didn't sleep well that night because every time I rolled over in my sleep I felt it and woke up. Eventually my brain would wake me up first so that I could support my leg as I rolled over, but it did not make for a restful night.
I'm trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise. Instead of rushing into my week like usual, I had to take Monday off. I used the time to relax, yes, but I also used it to clean the house a little bit more (I dusted!), to go over my readings again for that night's class (I did still hobble to class, carefully), and to work on some projects (that sweater I've been knitting). It really sucks to be injured, but it was nice to have that time and to get some things done I might have pushed off again, to feel more prepared for my class. I even took two baths this week to relax and to help my sore muscles. (That brings my total baths for the last 14 months up to 2. I'm not much of a bath person.)
I am feeling better now, thank you. My hip still aches a bit but every day it's getting better. (Shane worried that I'd really torn or pinched something, but no.) I'm still having to be careful with myself and even that mindfulness is helping me. I'm more grateful for my body and its normal good state of health, flexibility, and usefulness.
I wish you all the same peace and gratitude I'm finding this week.
However, I'm not the only one who's feeling this way. Our poor pets! The cat has been wanting to go outside, but it's still cold outside so he only goes out for a few minutes to sit on the edge of the porch and sulk. When he's inside he's been a bit aggressive (he'll let me pet him for a second or two, then he complains at me and bats my hand away or stalks off), and very loud. Not a happy camper. So we've been drugging him with catnip to keep him happy. It's not the best solution, but when he's high on nip is the only time he's not anxious and testy. I think that at some point, most likely after we buy a house (whenever that is), we'll discuss getting another cat to be a friend/companion for him.
The dog, too, is ready for spring. Despite my attempts a few weeks ago to trim her down a bit, her hair is out of control. It's making her itchy and too hot, so she's been scratching herself constantly and leaving bits of herself around the house. I vacuumed recently but you'd never know it by the state of our carpets. I just feel so bad for her! The overheating problem means that she also wants to be let outside frequently. (But she doesn't want to stay out there, because that's not where her people are. So it's in and out all evening.) If I get her a haircut she'll be shivering and cold and since we're scheduled to get down to the negative teens this weekend it could be dangerous for her to suddenly get all her hair shaved off. She needs to wait just a couple more weeks, until the beginning of March, and then I'll schedule a haircut for her. In the meantime, I feel like a monster.
I was messaging with a friend yesterday and when she asked me how Shane and I are doing I answered, "Busy." I realized that that's become my default answer and, while it is accurate, I kind of hate that answer. It's meaningless, really. Everyone is busy. Also, there is an attitude among people that if you're busy then you're somehow Very Important. Anyone who's less busy than you just isn't as important as you or they'd have more demands on their time, right? I think this is tied to people who spend so much of their time complaining that stay at home moms "don't actually work". (Why is it somehow considered work to raise kids when the work is outsourced to a daycare, but not when a mom or dad chooses to raise their own kids?!?) Saying that you're so busy or claiming that you work harder than others are just ways to pretend that you're better than other people. It's a very subtle, "Fuck you, because I'm better than you are." And I hate that that's the message I've been sending out, even inadvertently. I'm not sure yet what I'm going to say when other people ask how we've been doing, but it's definitely deserving of a better answer.
Honestly, we are busy. There's truth behind the statement. But not because we're somehow better, or because we're trying to see just how much we can cram into our days and show off. It's just a busy period and things will slow down again at some point. Also, it's the good kind of busy. The kind that's made us focus on what's really important, the kind which has forced us to be more organized and to remember to get things done in a timely fashion. Somehow, in all the busy, we've managed to keep our apartment looking cleaner than it is when we've got lots of time on our hands. (Well, except the carpet.) It's even, in a way, brought me and Shane closer together because we're doing our best to remember that when the other person has done something like cleaned up the dishes, it also means that they took time out of their busy schedule and that it means you don't have to worry about that detail. That's deserving of a thank you, at the very least. We've been giving each other verbal high-fives all over the place to show our appreciation. We've been trying to be very respectful of the other's need for time to themselves, and time to work on their own things. And as cheesy as it is, we'll leave little "I love you, btw I fed the pets" kinds of notes around the house when we won't get to see each other for most of the day.
One thing we don't usually do is sit down together for dinner. Well, we will, but we'll put on a movie or a TV show (often something we've seen before so that we don't mind interrupting to talk about our day or something funny we heard, or just whatever's in our heads). I grew up in a family which sat down together for dinner pretty much every night. Occasionally someone would be missing but mostly we'd all be there, in the dining room and with the TV off. Those were great times and it definitely brought us closer together as a family. But as a couple Shane and I haven't put the emphasis on dinner together and I think we both figured we'd start doing that more after we have kids. Well, with the start of this semester, dinner together is sometimes the only time we can scrape together in an evening. (Hello, Tuesdays!) Other nights, we don't even get that. (Hello, Mondays!) So we're making more of an effort to actually sit at the table together and chat about our day, catch up, plan and organize. With as much as we have going on, it's not like we have a lack of subjects to discuss!
When we need to, we've also managed to clear our schedules to spend a decent chunk of time together. We took time out yesterday for Valentine's Day/our Pseudoversary. (Six years together!) I made dinner, and it was delicious. (Beer chicken, sweet potato biscuits, and green beans, with this pie for dessert.) We hung out and chatted and we didn't buy anything for each other but we didn't need to. (We made plans to go see the new "Die Hard" movie this weekend. It's my romantic gift to him.)
The one thing I've been trying to keep doing, if for no other reason than for my own sanity, is to workout 4-5 days each week. Last weekend was bright and beautiful and not too cold so on Sunday I took the dog for a run and, somehow, pulled some of the stabilizing muscles in my left flank. (My hip ached in several different directions, and it definitely wasn't my power muscles I pulled.) I must have slipped on the ice in such a way that I didn't really notice, but somehow tweaked my muscles. It hurt. It also occurred at almost exactly the halfway point of our run so I had to hobble/jog the rest of the way home. (It probably wasn't great for me, but I did jog part of the way because I didn't want to get too cold. That would have been worse.) It felt bad enough that I called my boss that evening and said I probably wouldn't be able to make it to work the next day. Walk up the hill when I could barely walk to the bathroom? Uh, no. I didn't sleep well that night because every time I rolled over in my sleep I felt it and woke up. Eventually my brain would wake me up first so that I could support my leg as I rolled over, but it did not make for a restful night.
I'm trying to look at it as a blessing in disguise. Instead of rushing into my week like usual, I had to take Monday off. I used the time to relax, yes, but I also used it to clean the house a little bit more (I dusted!), to go over my readings again for that night's class (I did still hobble to class, carefully), and to work on some projects (that sweater I've been knitting). It really sucks to be injured, but it was nice to have that time and to get some things done I might have pushed off again, to feel more prepared for my class. I even took two baths this week to relax and to help my sore muscles. (That brings my total baths for the last 14 months up to 2. I'm not much of a bath person.)
I am feeling better now, thank you. My hip still aches a bit but every day it's getting better. (Shane worried that I'd really torn or pinched something, but no.) I'm still having to be careful with myself and even that mindfulness is helping me. I'm more grateful for my body and its normal good state of health, flexibility, and usefulness.
I wish you all the same peace and gratitude I'm finding this week.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Life is beautiful
Do you ever have a day where the beauty of your life hits you all at once? Where all of the wonderful, fascinating details scream at you, "Look at me!" and you actually sit up and take notice? Where the problems don't seem as big as they were the day before, where the small things make you ridiculously happy? I woke up this morning feeling optimistic and joyful, euphoric even. There's no real reason for it. It's still cold, half the people I know are sick in some way (sinus infections, stomach upsets, influenza) and overall this week wasn't the greatest. I was exhausted for most of it and thinking that I was fighting off a cold myself and unable to take time off work if I had really needed to, adding to the stress. But, none of that matters today. I got a good night's sleep and woke up to my pets being loving and wonderful. I started my walk to work thinking that, overall, my life is amazing. It has little moments of dissatisfaction, like when I see pictures of places I'd like to travel to and realize that instead, I'm stuck in my office. Or lately, any picture of a beach makes me ache with longing to be there, in the warmth and sunshine and salty ocean. But you know what? I'm working toward my goals. I'm working to make my life, my shared life with Shane, to be what I/we want. That is a beautiful, wonderful thing, and I am so incredibly lucky.
On my walk to work, I got to see this:
I was even a bit early so I could stand there and appreciate it for a few minutes, guilt-free. How many other people around here got to enjoy that sunrise? How many were taking their time and got to really see it?
When I got to work, after taking care of a few details, I opened Facebook and found this article about empathy, courtesy of my friend Hannah. It's beautiful and if you haven't read it yet, you should.
Today, I am at peace with the world, and I wish the same for all of you.
On my walk to work, I got to see this:
When I got to work, after taking care of a few details, I opened Facebook and found this article about empathy, courtesy of my friend Hannah. It's beautiful and if you haven't read it yet, you should.
Today, I am at peace with the world, and I wish the same for all of you.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Chocolate cravings and lady problems
For various reasons not at all related to making babies, I stopped taking birth control in the autumn. Shane and I have agreed that this has been a very good decision. The problems I'd been noticing in myself went away almost immediately and I even lost almost ten pounds in the first two months after I stopped taking it. Just that, and the relief of knowing that the weight I've gained over the past several years wasn't actually because of me (stupid pills), has made me feel more confident about myself.
Now that I've returned to normal hormonal functioning, it's also been fun for me to notice all of the differences in myself each month. Scientifically, I knew that changes in women's hormones lead to certain notable things. For instance, when a woman is ovulating she's more likely to be attracted to a strongly masculine face or a more "manly" man, whereas at non-ovulating times women are more likely to choose sensitive, more effeminate-featured men. (Hello, Orlando Bloom!) I'm lucky because when I look at Shane I see both the boy I met and the man I married, so I get the best of both worlds. :) But even watching movies, I've noticed changes in what actors I find attractive depending on where I'm at in my cycle.
There are other things, of course. While the pill helps some women regulate their mood swings, it seemed to make mine worse. Shane says that I seem more in control and "less crazy" before my period now. On the other hand, I now get zits around my period like I'm in high school again. No fun! And I seem to get cramps no matter what. But I'm still having fun observing these changes in myself. Science!
The one thing I completely forgot about, but probably should have expected, is a serious craving for chocolate. Not sweets in general, just chocolate. Last week I was raiding the cabinets searching for any sort of chocolate to the point that Shane noticed and gave me one of his "holy crap you're a little nuts right now" looks. Disaster averted: we had both hot chocolate and some leftover Christmas candy in the house. :) I'm also using the cravings as an excuse for why I bought chocolate ice cream and $23 worth of bulk-bin chocolate chips on Saturday. It's a good reason, right?
But I don't want to be eating crap every time my period rolls around. If for no other reason, it's not exactly going to make that time any more pleasant if I'm feeling bad about my eating habits in addition to everything else that happens. So I'm trying to find better ways of controlling the need for chocolate and I think I've found the perfect solution: oatmeal. Hear me out! Oatmeal is my go-to winter breakfast because it's easy and hot and healthy and I can change it up every day. I've made PB&J oatmeal (not bad, actually), oatmeal full of nuts, seeds, and dried fruit, oatmeal with fresh fruit. I've used brown sugar, honey, and maple syrup as the sweetener. (Not all at once!) I've put in nutmeg and cinnamon to change the flavor. It's totally versatile! One of my favorites for the past couple of weeks has been chai oatmeal.
Well, now I know I can add a little bit of chocolate too. The heat from freshly cooked oatmeal melts the chocolate perfectly and everything you put in the oatmeal becomes covered in the gooey sweetness. It's perfection and it clears up any chocolate cravings I might be having without falling off the healthy eating bandwagon. I didn't add any other sweetener, since the chocolate is sweet enough. And when I can, I find dark chocolate chips which helps to make it slightly less sweet and just a bit healthier than it would be with milk chocolate chips.
Black Forest Oatmeal:
About a serving and a half of oatmeal
Enough water to cook the oatmeal (I cook it in the microwave, on high for three minutes)
A cup of pitted, frozen cherries (thawed overnight in the fridge) or 1/2 cup of dried cherries
1/4 cup of walnuts or pecans
1/4 cup (or slightly less) of dark chocolate chips
Cook the oatmeal. When it's still very hot, mix in the chocolate chips, then the walnuts and cherries. Consume and be happy.
Chocolate Coconut Oatmeal:
Cooked oatmeal
About 1/4 cup of chocolate chips
About 1/4 cup of unsweetened coconut shavings
1/4 cup of any type of preferred nuts (I love hazelnuts in this one)
Optional: a dash of cinnamon
Mix in the chocolate first so that it's all melty and covers the oatmeal, then mix in the other ingredients. Consume, and pat yourself on the back for choosing something healthier than a Pop Tart for breakfast.
Now that I've returned to normal hormonal functioning, it's also been fun for me to notice all of the differences in myself each month. Scientifically, I knew that changes in women's hormones lead to certain notable things. For instance, when a woman is ovulating she's more likely to be attracted to a strongly masculine face or a more "manly" man, whereas at non-ovulating times women are more likely to choose sensitive, more effeminate-featured men. (Hello, Orlando Bloom!) I'm lucky because when I look at Shane I see both the boy I met and the man I married, so I get the best of both worlds. :) But even watching movies, I've noticed changes in what actors I find attractive depending on where I'm at in my cycle.
There are other things, of course. While the pill helps some women regulate their mood swings, it seemed to make mine worse. Shane says that I seem more in control and "less crazy" before my period now. On the other hand, I now get zits around my period like I'm in high school again. No fun! And I seem to get cramps no matter what. But I'm still having fun observing these changes in myself. Science!
The one thing I completely forgot about, but probably should have expected, is a serious craving for chocolate. Not sweets in general, just chocolate. Last week I was raiding the cabinets searching for any sort of chocolate to the point that Shane noticed and gave me one of his "holy crap you're a little nuts right now" looks. Disaster averted: we had both hot chocolate and some leftover Christmas candy in the house. :) I'm also using the cravings as an excuse for why I bought chocolate ice cream and $23 worth of bulk-bin chocolate chips on Saturday. It's a good reason, right?
But I don't want to be eating crap every time my period rolls around. If for no other reason, it's not exactly going to make that time any more pleasant if I'm feeling bad about my eating habits in addition to everything else that happens. So I'm trying to find better ways of controlling the need for chocolate and I think I've found the perfect solution: oatmeal. Hear me out! Oatmeal is my go-to winter breakfast because it's easy and hot and healthy and I can change it up every day. I've made PB&J oatmeal (not bad, actually), oatmeal full of nuts, seeds, and dried fruit, oatmeal with fresh fruit. I've used brown sugar, honey, and maple syrup as the sweetener. (Not all at once!) I've put in nutmeg and cinnamon to change the flavor. It's totally versatile! One of my favorites for the past couple of weeks has been chai oatmeal.
Well, now I know I can add a little bit of chocolate too. The heat from freshly cooked oatmeal melts the chocolate perfectly and everything you put in the oatmeal becomes covered in the gooey sweetness. It's perfection and it clears up any chocolate cravings I might be having without falling off the healthy eating bandwagon. I didn't add any other sweetener, since the chocolate is sweet enough. And when I can, I find dark chocolate chips which helps to make it slightly less sweet and just a bit healthier than it would be with milk chocolate chips.
Black Forest Oatmeal:
About a serving and a half of oatmeal
Enough water to cook the oatmeal (I cook it in the microwave, on high for three minutes)
A cup of pitted, frozen cherries (thawed overnight in the fridge) or 1/2 cup of dried cherries
1/4 cup of walnuts or pecans
1/4 cup (or slightly less) of dark chocolate chips
Cook the oatmeal. When it's still very hot, mix in the chocolate chips, then the walnuts and cherries. Consume and be happy.
Chocolate Coconut Oatmeal:
Cooked oatmeal
About 1/4 cup of chocolate chips
About 1/4 cup of unsweetened coconut shavings
1/4 cup of any type of preferred nuts (I love hazelnuts in this one)
Optional: a dash of cinnamon
Mix in the chocolate first so that it's all melty and covers the oatmeal, then mix in the other ingredients. Consume, and pat yourself on the back for choosing something healthier than a Pop Tart for breakfast.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Dude
I did my first ever guest post at Mr. Money Mustache. Wow, what an honor! It is, of course, about my one area of "expertise"--non-car commuting in the winter.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Totally normal
Yesterday on my walk to work my right bootlace broke. And, that pretty much sums up how the rest of the day went. Nothing major and dramatic, but full of small irritations.
I checked around the house for a spare shoelace last night but didn't find anything that would work. So, no big deal. When I was getting ready for work this morning I decided that, since it's warmed up so much the last few days (about 60 degrees!) I'd be fine wearing my "winter" Dansko clogs. They've got rubber soles so they're not as bad on the ice as my other ones. I've worn them plenty of times and, mostly, they're fine.
Except when it's this cold. Apparently I over-estimated the temperature because it's still cold enough to freeze rubber. Don't worry, I wore two pairs of socks so my feet were totally warm. But thanks to the ice leftover from the freezing rain a few weeks ago, the dusting of snow on top which we got yesterday, and the frozen rubber of my shoes, I had to do an odd shuffle instead of just walking. I nearly fell so many times but by the time I thought, "This was a really bad idea," it was too late to turn back. So I soldiered on, being very careful and moving more like a cross country skier than someone walking.
And then I reached the hill. It's a popular sledding hill, so while there is a bit of a path carved by me and others who walk, there isn't exactly any level ground so even on the best of days it's tough going. And, it's been worn mostly smooth by all the sledders packing down the snow. I was stepping really carefully, placing my feet before putting weight on them so that I didn't fall over. I made it almost to the top, where there's a fence and the assurance that at least I wouldn't tumble fifty feet back down the hill. Ten feet away from the fence, I started slipping backwards. I fell, got up, fell again, and while I was trying to hold myself up I just kept slipping further and further away from where I needed to be. I debated just clawing and crawling my way back to the top but decided that was too undignified. (Because, apparently, I wasn't already undignified?) When I stood mostly upright I ended up using my purse as a weight to help throw myself up the hill and that worked. I made it to the top with only one or two more small slips.
After I rounded the fence and felt secure again all I could think was, normal people don't have these problems.
And that about sums up my life.
I checked around the house for a spare shoelace last night but didn't find anything that would work. So, no big deal. When I was getting ready for work this morning I decided that, since it's warmed up so much the last few days (about 60 degrees!) I'd be fine wearing my "winter" Dansko clogs. They've got rubber soles so they're not as bad on the ice as my other ones. I've worn them plenty of times and, mostly, they're fine.
Except when it's this cold. Apparently I over-estimated the temperature because it's still cold enough to freeze rubber. Don't worry, I wore two pairs of socks so my feet were totally warm. But thanks to the ice leftover from the freezing rain a few weeks ago, the dusting of snow on top which we got yesterday, and the frozen rubber of my shoes, I had to do an odd shuffle instead of just walking. I nearly fell so many times but by the time I thought, "This was a really bad idea," it was too late to turn back. So I soldiered on, being very careful and moving more like a cross country skier than someone walking.
And then I reached the hill. It's a popular sledding hill, so while there is a bit of a path carved by me and others who walk, there isn't exactly any level ground so even on the best of days it's tough going. And, it's been worn mostly smooth by all the sledders packing down the snow. I was stepping really carefully, placing my feet before putting weight on them so that I didn't fall over. I made it almost to the top, where there's a fence and the assurance that at least I wouldn't tumble fifty feet back down the hill. Ten feet away from the fence, I started slipping backwards. I fell, got up, fell again, and while I was trying to hold myself up I just kept slipping further and further away from where I needed to be. I debated just clawing and crawling my way back to the top but decided that was too undignified. (Because, apparently, I wasn't already undignified?) When I stood mostly upright I ended up using my purse as a weight to help throw myself up the hill and that worked. I made it to the top with only one or two more small slips.
After I rounded the fence and felt secure again all I could think was, normal people don't have these problems.
And that about sums up my life.
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