Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Pinterest rant

I've mentioned before that I'm a fan of Pinterest. Oh, the food I've found on that site that's made my life more delicious! (If you're my Pinterest friend, I put ++ next to the ones I've tried, and if they're still pinned that means they were delicious. Just so you know.) The crafting projects! Hell, even the cute ways to do my hair! Love it. So many great ideas, recipes, etc., and a way to keep track of them all, what's not to like?
A lot, it turns out. Holy fuck, that site is so bipolar. You can see a poster about how awesome you are and never change! right next to a pin about how to change yourself for the better in five simple steps. Sometimes, they've been pinned by the same person.
So, despite my love of Pinterest, here's my little Pinterest rant.

1. What you "need" is not a two-story walk-in closet. What you need is to get rid of some fucking clothes. If you truly feel that you "need" that, you have too many already.

2. Please, for the love of God, stop with the chevron and burlap everything.

3. Those cross tattoos that you find so "meaningful"? They're not. In fact, stop with the Christian everything. It's not a sign of true faith, it just makes me think you need to give yourself a pep talk to continue believing.

4. Astrology is bogus. I would laugh at everyone who posts about how Sagittarius girls totally do this or that if it wasn't freaking everywhere. Open a science book and read it.

5. Nutella never has been, and will never be, a healthy option. That doesn't mean it's not delicious, but don't kid yourself.

6. Same thing goes for crescent rolls.

7. If a makeup or hair tip really did change your life, that's just sad and you should re-think your life.

8. All those posts and sayings about how you're so over that drama just shows people that you're not actually over it. If you were, you wouldn't need to keep telling yourself how over it you are.

9. Your name, initials, and the date of your wedding are rather nauseating. Stop putting them on everything. What are you trying to do, brand your house? Fetishizing yourself that way just shows how narcissistic you are. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen.

10. Who the hell is Channing Tatum?

11. I don't really care about your fantasies involving a reincarnated Ronald Reagan. Stop pinning those and try living in a little place I like to think of as Real Life.

12. You absolutely do not "need" a home movie theater.

13. Don't keep calm and whatever you want to end that with. Fuck you. 99% of the posters I've seen don't even make sense, like someone's just been playing a giant game of Mad Libs with them. "Keep Calm and HONEY BOO BOO". Is there even a complete thought expressed in that?

14. Continue on with the adorable kitten and puppy pictures. Those totally make my days better.

15. You might want to remember that sometimes the simplest decorations are the nicest. And I don't mean making more out of cheap materials (see the comment about burlap above), I mean having fewer Christmas/Halloween/Thanksgiving, etc., decorations. Your home does not need to be an ode to the current holiday. Plus, you'll just have to clean all that shit up later and who really wants to do that?

16. That object you think is sooo cute right now, so necessary? Yeah, seriously think about it first. Are you really going to love it, or are you going to throw it out in two months when you come across something you like better?

17. Continue making fun of Twilight. That shit never gets old.

18. Try using mason jars for, I dunno, food preservation. Like they're meant to be. When you have a full pantry, then you can make the extra jars into cute decor. (If you actually have any left, that is.)

19. Making things out of pallets is fantastic and all, but you don't really need to make everything in your house from old pallets. Just sayin'.
I know, I know. It seems weird that I'd complain about this, right? Pallets embody things I love! DIY-ery, cheapness, etc. But (and yes, this does sound like a total hipster complaint) it seems that "pallets" have become the new buzzword, like everyone asking for granite countertops and "an open concept" in their house. Neither of those things are bad in and of themselves, either, it's just that I think people are going for what's trendy without going for what they actually like. Pallet furniture is about frugality, making something yourself out of (essentially) garbage. I get the feeling (from comments I've read below pallet furniture pins) that most people would buy those items for exorbitant amounts, the antithesis of the whole reason for pallet furniture, just to say that they have something in their homes made out of pallets.

20. If you post anything that says "white girl drunk", die in a fire. What the hell does that even mean?

21. Don't ever say anything along the lines of "how I look like". It's "what I look like" or "how I look". Combining the two just screams "I'm ignorant!"

22. A gift of soda and candy, no matter how cute the ribbon and saying on it, would just make me think you're a cheap bastard who wants me to be fat. I'm guessing I'm not alone in that.

23. I'm terribly sorry to inform you that looking at home organization pins does not actually organize your home. I've tried it.

24. Beautiful makeup does not equal beauty. I'm not trying to say something shitty like "inner beauty is what counts". I mean, more makeup does not make you beautiful. Don't let Pinterest fool you into thinking that it does.

25. If you don't end up making all of your Christmas gifts by hand from things you pinned, or scrapbook your baby's every fart, get everyone's handprints/footprints/pawprints in salt dough you made yourself and turned into Christmas ornaments, don't worry. Breathe.

There, a few things I wanted to get off my chest. I feel better now. Anything you feel I left off the list?

*Disclaimer: I'm quite certain there's stuff I pin which is annoying as hell to the other Pinterest-ers who know me. Like, I'm loving the grumpy cat meme. Other people, probably not so much. I also have a few things (which one person mentioned) which I pinned not because they're practical AT ALL, but merely to drool over. Doesn't mean I'm going to go building myself a two-story closet to house those things, or that I'm ever going to think I "need" the things I pinned. I'm getting along just fine without them right now, so I have clearly differentiated my needs from my wants, and further out from that, my wants from my if-I-lived-a-different-life daydream things. Feel free to (mentally) flip me the bird if you disagree with anything I said above, and pin the hell out of the things you love regardless of what anyone else thinks. :)
I'm also not making fun of any particular person or group, these are just the trends I've noticed that bother me.

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