Monday, July 15, 2013

Who says pregnancy makes you emotional?

Have you heard of that website, Reasons My Son is Crying? I've been thinking lately that Shane could start a similar one, reasons my pregnant wife is crying. I'm told this is quite common among pregnant women. When we were in Wasilla, Shane's cousin and I laughed about some of the things she cried about during her first two pregnancies. Her husband joked that he didn't realize dish soap commercials were so emotionally laden before.
Honestly, my emotions have felt rather steady. For the most part. I'm just a little bit more prone to tears. So I've been reading the news a bit less, never sure what will set me off. Shane, thankfully, usually hasn't been around for the crying jags I have had, and he's done his best to ignore the ones he has seen. When I'm quietly snuffling because of my book, he politely pretends that I'm behaving completely rationally.
There are some things which I can admit, even while I'm crying, are thoroughly stupid to cry about. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm crying, but it feels damn good to get it out so I just go with it. So, in the interest of letting other pregnant women know they're not alone in their tears, and giving everyone else a good laugh, here are a few of the things I've cried about recently:

The secondary character in my book who was dying of cancer finally died. Of cancer.

I saw a picture of a wedding dress on Pinterest (which looked nothing like mine and, actually, I thought was rather ugly) and it made me remember my own wedding day. I didn't cry on my wedding day, but damn if I didn't cry over the memory of how happy it was.

I read a story in which a mother disowned her son for being gay. I wondered how any parent, ever, could do that to their child and sobbed my heart out. I kept whispering to my belly that I will love her no matter who she is.
And now I'm crying over that one again.

I realized that one day my daughter will tell me, and think that she means it, that she hates me. Then I remembered the times I told my own mother I hated her and cried even harder. Then I simply cried because I missed my mom. (This was before they visited.)

I cried because time goes so fast, and before I know it I'll be sending my baby off to college, or off to travel the world by herself. Then I laughed because I haven't even birthed this child yet, but I still couldn't stop crying so I was both laughing at myself and crying.

I cried because my dog won't live forever.

I cried because my husband is wonderful and I'm so happy with him. Seriously. I think he'd done the dishes or something silly like that, and it moved me to tears.

My all-time favorite, however, happened a few weekends ago. Shane was doing some maintenance on his computer so he turned on "Finding Nemo" on his laptop. He fell asleep in his computer chair at some point, then woke up enough about an hour later to stumble into bed. (A grand total of about one foot. It was quite the feat, I'm sure.) Anyway, "Finding Nemo" was still playing, looped, on the laptop when I woke up. So I made myself some breakfast and took it back to the bedroom to watch the tail end of the movie. (Get it? Tail end? So bad.) Shane woke up to the sounds of me weeping uncontrollably and asked, "What's wrong?" I managed, between sobs, to stammer out, "D-Dory's missing!!" Ever the gentleman, Shane did his best to muffle his laughter in his pillow, but seeing him laugh made me laugh too and, once again, I couldn't stop crying while I was laughing so it was a bizarre combination of the two.

I should also add, in case you were wondering, that I am not a pretty crier. I don't get cute. My face contorts like an Olympic gymnast and I get red-rimmed eyes, tear stains, and blotchy cheeks. My nose runs, then stuffs up so I spend the next half hour sniffling. When I say these things have made me cry, I mean that I cried. No adorable couple of tears slipping down my cheeks like in a movie.
So the next time you need a good laugh, go ahead and imagine what I'll cry about next. I'll probably end up laughing about whatever it is myself, even before the crying has stopped.

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