Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Over-scheduling and Overwhelming

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately by everything that I have to and even the things I want to do. Monday, I realized that I hadn't sat down to read since getting home from Hawaii. Since reading is my main form of relaxation, I had to think about all the ways I've been spending my time. Some of it's good great (lots of gardening, time with Shane, softball, hanging out with friends, taking the dog for a couple of walks) and pretty much all of it has been worthwhile (cleaning the apartment, shopping for necessities) but I've been neglecting myself and my me time. Relaxation is important too, so why haven't I been making time for it?
Well, I have in some ways. When Shane was home we spent a decent amount of time together watching two TV shows ("Game of Thrones, Season 2" and "QI") but I still hardly ever felt like I could relax. It was always, "Ok, one episode but then we need to do the dishes." Or, "I guess I could stay up an extra half hour and watch one episode of that." Scheduling in a set amount of time to relax isn't exactly relaxing. My brain was always moving onto thinking about the next thing I had to do.
The days are never long enough, and I've been resenting work for taking up a majority of my time. Even when I'm not there, I still have to plan things for work: what will I have for breakfast or lunch? How will I get myself there? What do I need to remember to pack? Is the alarm set? So I'm thinking about some of my choices, and some of my options, and trying to make sure I'm really doing what I want to be doing at this time. I have been biking to work this week, since it means less travel time. Ten minutes to get home rather than half an hour? Yes, please. In the mornings, the bonus is an extra ten minutes of sleep. Just ten minutes and yet I feel so much more rested during the day.
Last night, I broke out of my pattern. It was cloudy and rainy, so it was a perfect night for some baking. I made bread, which I later used to make a grilled turkey and cheese sandwich. (SO. GOOD.) I baked some cookies and when I started to think, "I should make something else to take advantage of the oven already being warm," I reminded myself that I now had plenty of food for just myself, and that there would be other cool days. (Like today.) I hardly ever allow myself the privilege of making cookies, simply because Shane doesn't eat a lot of them so I end up eating most of the batch. It was a nice little indulgence, and since I made zucchini cookies, I didn't even feel guilty about eating something "bad" for me. (In the recipe, I substitute allspice for nutmeg. Usually I love nutmeg, but it's paired with squash so often that I like the difference allspice brings to it.)
I took the dog for a short run, our first since my trip. My cough is finally gone, but my chest still felt a little tight by the end. So we're going to start again slowly.
I got to talk to Shane, but not for very long. He hasn't been feeling so great so he wasn't particularly chatty. I hope he feels better soon! It was nice to see his face, though, even if just on a screen.
Other than that, I read. I looked through "Put 'Em Up!" for a while, dreaming of all the ways I want to preserve food for us this year. Mostly, I read my Nook. I checked out "Agnes Grey" (by Anne Bronte) from ListenAlaska and I'm very much enjoying it. At one point, I had both the pets piled on me as I was reading. It was absolutely lovely.
Tonight it's sort of back to over-scheduling. Sort of. I'm supposed to meet a friend at a local coffee shop so that he can help me with a crocheting pattern. He might beg off, though, which wouldn't disappoint me too terribly. Not that I don't want to see him, but I'd kinda like to be a homebody for a while. (He's a work friend, so we've never been to each other's houses and I'm not sure if we're ready for that step yet.)
Tomorrow, I'm supposed to meet another friend before we start rehearsing for the summer opera ("La Boheme") which will take up most of my free time over the next two weeks. I won't even get to play softball, since rehearsals conflict with the games. (I paid to play softball, but I'm getting paid to play in the opera so I think the two even out. Plus, I know my need for those rehearsals is greater than my desire to play softball.)
If you don't hear much from me for the next couple of weeks, don't worry. I'll just be going a little crazy.

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