My default expression is a smile. When I walk through the hallways at work, I often realize after someone grins at me that I am, in fact, smiling at them. Well, not necessarily at them. At whatever I'm thinking about, or just smiling because there's no good reason not to. My smiling has, on many occasions, prompted complete strangers to say things to me. "It's warmed up today!" they'll say, smiling at me. Or even just, "Hi," in passing. And you know what? Most of the people who notice me smiling end up walking away with smiles of their own. In my truly unintentional way, I seem to be spreading a bit of happiness in my part of the world.
However, today is not one of those days. I can feel that my expression is somewhat sour. I've been grumpy with pretty much everyone (even though I've tried to hide it) and people who've made the pathetic sorts of jokes usually made to strangers (such as comments about me bouncing on my ball, which I use instead of a chair--"You're rocking and rolling, aren't you? Ha ha!") have elicited nothing more than a tight smile because what I really want to say is just too rude and uncalled for. I'm tired, for no real reason. I'm hating my job (I hate sitting all day!!) and the fact that my boss is fussing over everything, for no reason. Even knowing why she's fussing (she has to teach library science 101, and she hates it--today is her first class) doesn't make me feel any kindlier toward her. I want to tell her to just shut up and leave me alone. (!!)
I need a bit of an attitude change today, and I know it. Fortunately, there are things that help me cope on days like today. I went for a walk in the sunlight, had a delicious lunch (Shane made chicken fried rice last night, one of our favorites), drank several cups of tea, and have listened to great music when I'm not actively speaking with someone else so that I can tune out the world.
And I know that soon, hopefully by tomorrow, my smiles will return. I will recognize that while I'm not enjoying my job, it is a means to an end and I won't be here for forever. I need to recognize that the people who make stupid jokes to me are happy or nervous because the semester starts today. My boss teaches two afternoons each week, which means that there will be two afternoons free of her fussing every week. It also leaves some time for me to chat with my coworker, which always helps. We can complain about the fussing from our boss with impunity. :)
And tomorrow is Friday. I have the weekend to look forward to. I already know how I'm going to spend it: reading. The book I'm into right now ("Game of Thrones" by George R. R. Martin) is good enough, absorbing enough, that I didn't realize how late it was last night. I thought it was only around ten until I saw the time--midnight! It's always a sign of a good book when you don't notice the passage of time.