It is absolutely astounding to me that a parasite which is only about the size of a lentil has taken such complete control over my body and has been able to mess with me so badly. In other words, morning sickness has begun. Not nearly as bad as some women get it, thank goodness. I haven't actually thrown up (yet), but having a few days of nausea is plenty bad, thank you. I'm trying to learn what coping mechanisms work for me. I thought at first that smoothies for breakfast would be a good idea, since they're smooth going down (and, um, if they have to come back up), and they don't seem to make me gag. (Brushing my teeth most mornings is interesting, on the other hand.) However, they make my stomach feel far too acidic first thing in the morning. So, bread-y things it is.
Sandwiches are a lifesaver right now. And crackers. Not even super healthy, organic crackers. Like, Ritz crackers. The salt and the calories seem to be just what I need at certain times most days.
Shane and I have had a joke for years that our dog is constantly on the prowl for calories. We do our dog voice and say things like, "Guys, I don't think I've gotten all the calories I need today! Give me those calories you have in your hand." I'm starting to sympathize with that, though. When I pack my lunches in the morning it's always with the thought, do I have enough?! A couple of days it hasn't been enough and I've had to make a purchase at the cafe, which gets rather pricey.
I would absolutely love to say that getting pregnant has made me totally and completely dedicated to healthy eating and all of that. And I feel like it should. After all, eating clean food is more important now than ever! But....wow. When they say, "Be prepared to be more tired than you've ever been in your life," they're not kidding. Fatigue has struck on a level which won't let me do much in the evenings beyond sitting. Seriously. Other than a few short walks (and, of course, walking to and from work) I haven't really been able to exercise. Shane asked me the other day if I was going to start doing something like prenatal yoga and I said, "Yeah, that's the plan...when I actually can summon the energy." This, too, shall pass. I know that. But it's being pretty horrible for the moment.
I actually bought bread the other day. I haven't done that in...how long? But just going grocery shopping was exhausting and I was feeling kinda sick. Ok, very ill. And the smells were absolutely overwhelming. Shane keeps threatening to carry around a small recording device to get all the "crazy" things I say, like walking into the kitchen the other day and saying, "What smells like fish? It smells like fish! Ugh! I can't be in here!" According to Shane, nothing smelled like fish. (I think I was reacting to the dishes in the sink.) He also came home the other day and I was standing at the counter, casually eating a jar of deli-style pickled peppers, straight. This is something I never, ever would have done before. I was told, "Your eating habits are getting so weird." Yeah, thanks.
Slowly, however, I am coming into knowledge of what I need. Mostly it involves lots and lots of sleep. A lie-down or nap in the afternoon, then an earlier bedtime (in part to make up for the fact that I've been waking up to pee and get a snack in the middle of every night). Amazingly enough, despite my own mental protestations, I've mostly given up tea for now. It was making my stomach feel worse a few times so I decided to leave it alone for a bit. *sigh*
Supposedly I will start to feel better in the second trimester, and I'm really looking forward to that. I'm sure Shane is, too. I've been so tired that I stare at the pile of dishes in the sink and think, "That's just...so much work. No, I'll leave them for later." I think about making dinner and pretty much every thought is struck down. None of it sounds tasty to me. Remember how I said that sandwiches have been a lifesaver? That's most of what I've eaten this week. When I do want real food, I can't seem to stomach it for more than one meal, so Shane has to eat all of the leftovers. The poor guy ate halibut tacos for four days straight so that they wouldn't go to waste, since I couldn't eat any of it after the first two meals. (He was so sick of tacos by the end--and actually, we finished them off by giving the halibut meat to a friend who came over and said she'd love to have it for lunch the next day once we explained how sick of them Shane was.)
Food aversions suck. My cravings have been really mild so far. I sent Shane the text the other day, "I need Pad Thai. The dish, not the restaurant. Although, theirs is the best. So both." Ten minutes later, "Never mind, it's gone now." And that is what my life has become.
I had my first appointment yesterday. Nine weeks and two days, according to the ultrasound. It was so cool to look at that screen and see the heartbeat, the little arm stubs waving around. We have an alien baby! Shane couldn't be there, both because he had class and because we were told that this would be incredibly boring for him. (The ultrasound was super quick. But I got pictures and a short video on my iPod, so he didn't miss out on much.) So we finally got to tell our families last night. Since we told his parents that we were engaged first, we called my parents about this first. Skype is such an amazing thing. I'm so glad I actually got to see their faces, I just wish I had a video of it. They reacted about like I expected. I just asked them if they'd thought of what they want to be called as grandparents (family tradition--no one gets called just "grandma" or "grandpa" in our family) and Shane held up the ultrasound pictures. My mom started screaming, "OH, OH, OH!!! OH MY!" and my dad just sat there smiling. Shane's parents did pretty much the same thing. Both of our dads said something along the lines of, "Well, when you asked us to get on Skype I knew it was something big. You'd either bought a house or you were having a kid." Our moms seemed taken by surprise, though.
Then we started the long night of trying to get in touch with all of our brothers, except my younger brother who was on Skype with my parents. Of course the other three were all busy on a Thursday night, why wouldn't they be? We had to sort of give it away to my brothers, because if I just said my usual, "Call me when you get a chance," it could have been next week before we got to talk to them. So after my, "Call me tonight!!!" texts, they did both call and we got to tell them. And then I got to say that I win, because nothing they do will ever top providing the first grandchild. :)
I think possibly the funniest moment of it all, though, was the Skype call to Shane's brother. I had already gone to bed, in part because I was feeling pretty sick and I thought it would be best to sleep through it. But I told Shane to wake me up when Spencer called, so he did. I stumbled out to the dining room, where the laptop was set up, and stood in the background just long enough for Shane to hold up the ultrasound pictures and say something about how Spencer was going to be an uncle. Almost as soon as Spencer responded, "Oh, SHIT!!", very excited, I ran off to go throw up. So the initial conversation about, "So how are things going?" had the sounds of me throwing up in the other room as a background. Even as I was bent over the toilet I thought, "This is really funny. It sucks, but it's funny." I'm pretty sure that will be one of those stories we hang onto and tell our kid when it's older.