Book Review: Diaper Free Before Three

I've heard a bit about the book "Diaper Free Before Three" but, of course, didn't really have a reason to read it until now. It was shocking how late people in this country keep their kids in diapers. Are there really normal, functioning children who need to wear diapers until they're ready for kindergarten?! I thought about it and realized that one of my neighbors has a son with autism and he's still in diapers, even though he's at least four. (And from what I've seen and heard, he's fairly high functioning.) It's staggering. Even worse, the cost to people and the environment. All those diapers.
So, I'm behind the general concept of the book. Yes, it's perfectly reasonable to expect most kids to have very few accidents by the time they're 2. And I liked that the author constantly recommended a gentle style of training. Don't scold your kid for accidents, they happen and that will only make them feel ashamed. And I will, indeed, implement a lot (if not all) of the suggestions, including starting Baby Girl on the potty when she's about six months old. I seem to have an amazing knowledge of when she's going to pee, since I regularly open up her diaper only to have her start peeing before I get the next one on her.
I thought that this book was really well researched, involving the history of how we got to this point of potty training so late, the problems caused by diapering so long (especially the emotional ones for both parent and child, and the physical ones), and the emphasis on health throughout. (The author is a pediatrician.)
However, there were plenty of things about this book I didn't like and I'll talk about those more in-depth than the positives because they get less attention. The pluses you can get from any review on Amazon.
First, there's the author's insistence that cloth diapers are such a hassle. "My friend tried to do cloth diapers but gave it up after about a week because it was such a pain to deal with." I've heard this from so many people who basically expect you to fail at using cloth diapers because they're somehow inconvenient. SO ARE DISPOSABLES! Especially considering how much they cost. (Shane has estimated that we're saving, at a minimum, $1.25 per diaper, including the cost to wash the cloth ones. And that's not calculating the savings from using the cloth wipes I made, either.) How many times have people bemoaned the midnight trip to the store because they ran out of disposable diapers? And yet, somehow, they never think that perhaps that makes them inconvenient. But washing diapers? Ooh boy, that's a lot of work! ?? I don't get it. Even when I don't have family staying with us and helping, the cloth diapers have never been a pain to wash.
The author also gets into the environmental factor of diapers for a second. Rightly, she points out that the only truly good option is to get kids out of diapers as fast as possible, since either cloth or disposable use a lot of resources. However, she cites a very old report about the environmental cost of diapers which uses absolutely the WORST kind of cloth diaper use and says that it could go either way, in terms of which is better for the environment. Yes, cloth diapers take a lot to manufacture. So do disposables. However, cloth can be used for multiple children, especially if you wait until an older sibling is out of diapers to have another, or if you have graduated sizes so no two children need to be in the same diapers at the same time. Our diapers have all been used for AT LEAST one other child besides ours, and will go through at least one more before I sell them or pass them along to someone else. In fact, we'll most likely have friends having babies before we're ready for a second, so I'll let them borrow the newborn size until they can collect more diapers or find a style they really like. That makes at least four children for those diapers, cutting down the environmental toll considerably. And, none of us is using a diaper service, the emissions from which (driving to and from picking up diapers, etc.) were counted in the cited report.
Cloth diapers for the environmental win, yo.
My other complaint about the book is about one of the asides. There was a special section talking about girl-specific issues that can come up, and one about boys. This might seem like such a small thing to get upset about, but it's part of a much larger issue. The section for girls mentioned that, at this age, many little girls like to touch their private areas and said that "modesty" should be emphasized for them. There was no such corresponding platitude about modesty among boys who, to be frank, touch their genitals just as much as that age, if not more. It's a thing kids do. A lot. They're exploring themselves. I can understand not wanting them to do that in public, but telling little girls to be "modest" without the same message to boys just makes me see red. All of this message was delivered within a section talking about the fact that little girls are more prone to urinary tract infections. A little girl with dirty hands, touching herself, could easily create the circumstances for a UTI to occur. However, modesty has nothing to do with it! Emphasizing bodily cleanliness is fine, but "modesty" has moral and sexual implications that really, really don't need to be there.
For the record, what I intend to tell Baby Girl (and any future children we might have) is that private parts are for private time. I think this sets the right tone, letting a child know that it's ok to explore their body but that it's not ok to do so in public. I don't want Baby Girl to ever, ever feel ashamed of her own body. I know she will at times, because there's no way I can insulate her against the messages of the rest of the world, but if I can get her off to a good start with regard to body image then I can at least mitigate some of the negativity she will inevitably hear.
I'm done rambling. In conclusion, I would recommend this book, but with a heavy grain of salt. The reasons for starting diapering earlier than most people in the US even think of doing so are excellent and well-researched. The timeline seems reasonable and while starting a kid on the potty before they can walk and talk will mean a bit more work on my (and Shane's) part, I think it will be worth it. At the very least, I won't have a toddler with a profound sense of "bait and switch" as far as expectations regarding peeing and pooping to contend with, and hopefully potty training will be a much more pleasant, uplifting experience overall.

Fun with pregnancy

I was chatting with my friend L the other night, who is about 2 weeks farther along in her (2nd) pregnancy than I am. Another friend, who has decided (along with her husband) that she never wants to have kids, was sitting with us and nodding sagely when L declared, "There are some women who claim to enjoy being pregnant. I think they're all fucking liars. This sucks." I had to gently say, "Actually...I'm kind of enjoying it." And then point out that, unlike L, I didn't spend 2 1/2 months throwing up.
Yes, pregnancy can be a (literal) pain sometimes. I've had bizarre symptoms, like the sleepwalking, and normal ones like a bit of nausea and heartburn which has sent me, for the first time in my life, running for the container of Tums. (We're nearly out.) I've had aches in my hips and back, already, and nothing is ever quite the same two weeks in a row. But...it's still kinda fun. I think it's partly an attitude difference--even the "bad" symptoms I'm looking at rather like a scientist. I feel a bit like Jane Goodall, only instead of researching someone or something else I'm researching my own changes. "Oh! All right then, I guess this week I'm just going to wake up at every little noise during the night. Oh well, at least I have an excuse to take a nap every afternoon!" "Wow, the shirt that I could wear all right last week is in danger of being horribly stretched out if I try to wear it now. Guess it's getting packed up with the others and put away for now. At least I'll be happy to wear it again when I'm back to my old self again. It'll be like gaining a whole new wardrobe!" I'm having fun figuring out what's going on inside me each week and tracking the physical changes.
The fact that I've kept the lifestyle changes to a minimum also really helps. Yes, I've scaled back on my exercise a bit. But instead of Not Exercising, I've simply switched to gentler exercises and toned back the old ones which I kept. I'm not telling myself about all of the things which I can't do (I've had people ask me how "the whole not drinking for 9 months thing is going" who seem mystified when I say that it's not a big deal) and instead focusing on the changes which are taking place, getting myself excited about each stage. Baby belly's starting to show? Eee! I'll finally look pregnant, rather than just feeling it.
I've also found some of the Zen-ness that I so wanted at the beginning. Not that I'm calm, I'm far too excited for that. (There's a baby on the way! There's a new little person that I get to bring into the world, and I can't wait to meet him or her!) But I don't worry so much. I'm careful about things, like when we ride our bikes places. I go a bit slower and am careful to avoid anything which could throw me off the bike or cause an accident. (I mean, more careful than usual.) But for the most part, I've decided not to worry about the million and one things which *could* go wrong. I know some women obsessively check online sites about "is it safe during pregnancy?" and I guarantee those things are only around to drive you crazy with paranoia. Seriously, look them up. Nearly everything says something like, "It's mostly safe, but just to be on the safe side and to be absolutely certain you shouldn't do that/eat that/go there." It's crazy-making and I won't buy into it. I've even--shh! our secret!--licked the spoon a few times when I've been baking, despite the presence of raw eggs. I'm certain that someone, somewhere, will read that statement and be like, "SHE DOESN'T LOVE HER UNBORN CHILD!" but honestly, I think the stress of trying to do everything perfectly is much worse for me and Baby than whatever tiny risk I'm taking. (I've also--gasp!--eaten deli meat.)
One benefit to everything I've been doing is that I've honestly found it pretty easy to keep my weight gain down, and to have just a small start to a baby bump. (I know I said weeks ago that I was showing, mostly I meant to myself. My own view, when I look down, is totally bizarre and makes me feel much larger than I am when I view myself in the mirror. Even now, I'm pretty sure I'd have to tell most people for them to realize that I'm preggo. Which explains why I got wolf whistled and honked at three friggin' times last week while walking home. Unless the baby belly really does it for some guys?) I'm finally wearing maternity clothes full-time (mostly so that I don't accidentally stretch out my old clothes), which required a shopping trip last weekend. (Thank goodness nearly everyone in town was having an "it's finally summer" sale.) While I was at one of the shops I overheard two women behind me talking, one saying that she was there in search of shorts. The other said, in a very derogatory tone, that all of the shorts they had were "only for those anorexic women with basketball-like baby bumps". Umm...when did the ability to not put on 80 pounds while pregnant become something to deride? No, I'm not trying to fat-shame people. But seriously? "Anorexic"? I don't really want to brag, but I have found it rather easy not to pack on the pounds, basically by continuing my normal routine of exercising and eating a well-balanced diet, with just a bit more of everything to compensate for the extra calories I need. I'm back to oatmeal in the mornings (with frozen fruit mixed in while it cooks), and my biggest craving lately has been for fresh summer fruits. (Shane and I spent about $40 just on fruit at the store the other day...and then ate it all within 3 days.) I haven't been denying anything to myself, either. In the past few days alone I've had cake, a cupcake, and two small bowls of ice cream. It's plenty of sweets, but not too much. It just helps, too, that I haven't been telling myself that it's ok to binge on everything, or give into every craving (except the healthy ones) because "the baby wants it".
Shane's been having fun with my pregnancy too. I found out a couple of weeks ago that around that time the baby's ear bones were forming and it was starting to hear our voices. When I told Shane he leaned down close to my stomach and said, clearly, "You're adopted, Baby, and nobody loves you." I laughed so hard.
He's also been making fat jokes to/about me. In the presence of several friends, including the new-ish girlfriend of one friend (who has not been around me and Shane long enough to know how we work) I mentioned that I still had about 18 pounds to gain, thinking that this is a crazy number in just 5 short months. Shane said, "Well it's a good thing you're well on your way." I started giggling but the new girlfriend cried out a horrified, "You're such an asshole!" Shane had to point out to her that I was laughing, and "she gives as good as she gets, don't worry". Honestly, the fat jokes are reassuring. They're putting my weight gain (about 9 pounds at this point) into perspective. Also, it's just funny. When I joked the other day that I'm slowly turning into two people, Shane answered, "Yeah, and you're having a baby." We laughed about this to a friend, who didn't laugh but instead turned to Shane with a befuddled look and said, "Never, ever let her leave you. You will end up a pathetic, lonely man if you do."
And if you want a baby book recommendation, read "Bringing Up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman. If you want to know what to stay away from, avoid ever opening "What to Expect When You're Expecting". That one falls into the category of crazy-making paranoia. Seriously, it will make you regret the fact that you ever decided to have a baby, and worry constantly. Just don't open it.

A roundup

I've had so many interesting things this week that I've discovered and dived into, and projects for myself that I've been working on, that to do a single post about each of them would be time consuming and very short individually. So here's a short blurb about each of them.

First of all, I discovered the blog Mr. Money Mustache, which is a blog about personal finance and, mostly, financial independence. This guy and his wife saved as much money as possible during their 20s so that they were able to retire around age 30 so that they could then have a kid and both be there for him. Inspiring, right? It's what every (good) parent wishes, to have more time with your kid(s). Even if that's not your motivation, however, most of us don't want to work until we're 65 and then spend our "golden years" in retirement homes, too crippled to have fun because we didn't have enough time when we were younger to take care of ourselves. Most of us would also appreciate the security to not constantly be worrying about employment. So if that sounds like you, check it out. He also has environmental motivations for the things he talks about, which I love, and he's very frank about things. There's no quibbling about, "Well, you could do this..." He'll tell you straight out, "If you do this, I want you to punch yourself in the face for being an idiot."
One final note about the blog: his definition of "retirement" might not match yours. His wife still works part-time because she enjoys it and they get a few bonuses to help keep their living expenses low. He works as a freelance carpenter. So they haven't totally quit working, they're just now able to work on their own terms.
I started reading the blog back to front (from the first post, working my way toward the newest) and I highly recommend doing that.

On appearance: For a short time, I was starting to get sucked into the Pinterest idea that, hmm, maybe I should start wearing some makeup again. I talked with Shane about it and he essentially told me, "Makeup is fine for dates, once in a while, but why would you ever want to start wearing it every day? I like to actually be able to see you, not the makeup you're wearing." Well, that settles that then. My husband doesn't compliment often, but when he does it's both outside the norm (no generic, "You're pretty," from him) and incredibly sweet.
I did dye my hair, however. It's fun to do every once in a while. I always seem to need a change at this time of year and hair is one of the simplest (and cheapest) things to change. I used henna, which doesn't have any (or most) of the nasty chemicals which are in normal hair dye. Yeah, still a little bit of garbage so it's not zero waste, but it will also be part of my Halloween costume so it serves a dual purpose.
I've also been looking up how to cut my own hair on Youtube (wanting something different than just a straight cut) and that's been helpful. I might try it tonight, to give myself some time before the weekend in case I need to re-do it or something.
Being able to cut my own hair is a skill I very much enjoy having at least amateur status at. I once told a hairdresser that the last cut I'd had was one I gave myself and she exclaimed, "Don't ever cut your own hair!" Ridiculous. People have been cutting their own hair for thousands of years. Yep, having good tools helps and it is possible to damage your hair with bad ones. But other than that, I'm saving money and if I give myself a bad haircut the only person who's harmed is me. Haircuts are expensive, and I've had more bad professional haircuts than bad haircuts I've given myself.
I noticed that my wardrobe has been both shrinking (because I've given so much that I didn't really wear or like away) and because many of the shirts I wear all the time have been wearing out. My favorite plain black t-shirt has had a small but noticeable hole over my right boob for over a year now, thanks to my cat. Not such a huge deal since I generally wear a sweater over it but still annoying. Small things like that have been occurring in many of my favorite clothes: small holes from use, some stains, and just general shabbiness. One pair of jeans wore out (always near the crotch!) so I dragged a friend to the Fireweed Consignment Boutique, of which I've heard lots of good things. They didn't have a huge selection in my size at that location, but I still found some great things. One shirt (plain black, but a bit dressy for work, so I can retire the other as a "weekend" shirt), one sweater (dressy enough for work or a night out with friends), and one pair of jeans. And all for waaay less than the cost of buying these things new plus someone else in town made a few bucks from me, as well as supporting a local business. I brought in a few things of my own, but they only take donations on weekdays (except by appointment) so I'll have to do that another time.
I said a while ago that I was trying to come up with a good recipe or formula for my own face lotion. I think I got it last night. I used cocoa butter, aloe vera, vitamin E oil, and some tea tree oil. It smells...interesting (mostly of the cocoa butter and tea tree oil, which makes an odd combination) but it goes on smoothly and it immediately smoothed the two rough, dry patches that had been forming on my cheeks. Just be sure to add enough aloe vera gel and oils that the cocoa butter doesn't go all solid again, and you have to mix it a lot at first (I melted the cocoa butter before I mixed it all up), but it works very well.

On the bookshelf: I've been reading Caitlin Moran's book "How to be a Woman", which is absolutely hysterical. Loving it! She goes through pretty much every stage of her own puberty and uses it as a jumping off point for discussions about modern feminism and what it means to be a woman. So, she uses her first period to lead into her first discovering masturbation, into a surprisingly thoughtful (and yet still funny) discussion of pornography and what's wrong with it. Discovering her first pubic hairs leads into a discussion of the recent pressure on women not to have any pubic hair, ever, and the fact that, "It's actually costing us money just to have a vagina! Ladies, this is ridiculous!" I totally recommend this book.

On decluttering: I've been very much enjoying this blog about decluttering and simplifying. It, along with several discussions with Shane, have caused me to look around at my apartment and assess just how much shit we have that is totally unnecessary to our lives. Even with both of us trying to be careful about what comes into our house in the first place, it's not always easy. We're still getting mail for a roommate who moved out three years ago. It's been stacking up in a corner and when we disassembled its perch to make the cat's Recovery Palace, it ended up on the dining table. Thankfully, we saw him at a friend's house last weekend so I packed all that mail up in a bag and gave it to him. He promised to go through it and call places to give them his new address.
There's lots of stuff that's required to basically be a normal, functioning adult, however. Shane has been required to keep some paperwork for a job he worked three years ago and he finally decided that "a reasonable time" has passed so it's gone. Our marriage certificate has been sitting in an envelope on top of my desk for a year now, so I at least moved it to a drawer so that it's out of the way.
This frustration with all the junk in our house also motivated me to take out our recycling again. I think the last time I did that was around June? Some of it I can walk to work, but other stuff (such as glass) doesn't have a recycling bin anywhere near my office so it requires a special trip. We tend to hoard it all in the garage until we have enough to justify the car trip. But it was crowding my clothes-drying rack, and getting out of hand. Just doing that one thing made the apartment feel so much freer and cleaner!
We have lots of other projects waiting in the sidelines, and other things which I'm sure will build up between now and then. Decluttering is an ongoing process, but it does feel nice to get each of these things done. Even finding a new home for things which we need to keep, or which we can't get around to just yet, helps a lot.

I cannot say enough good things.

So this is totally not a post about my usual things (the environment, Alaska, etc...in case you didn't already know that) but it IS about one of my other passions: books. Specifically, the book "Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir" by Jenny Lawson. It's AMAZING. I started reading it yesterday morning and despite doing a long bike ride, then biking to the grocery store, and working with my plants a bit, I'm almost finished with it. And it's making me sad, because I really don't want this book to end. I've been giggling maniacally at pretty much every page, and I've read about half of it aloud to Shane. Before he left for soccer last night I read a huge section out loud to him and then he told me that I "have problems". I'm pretty sure he said that because I was face down in my pillow, snorting and shaking with uncontrollable laughter. But maybe he just didn't think it was as funny as I did?
I don't know how she does it, but this woman even managed to make her multiple miscarriages funny. (She has a rare autoimmune disorder that made pregnancy very difficult. Actually, she has several autoimmune disoders, OCD, and general anxiety disorder. So, you know, she's got all kinds of funny stories.) She also has a thing for taxidermied animals which just adds a whole new level. If you'd like to read a little bit from her blog, this is one of her recent posts. However, this is the post which hooked me to her blog.
At least part of the reason I like her writing so much is because the arguments and conversations she says she has with her husband are, in some cases, eerily similar to ones Shane and I have had. Or at least, it seems that Victor and Shane react in similar ways. So reading the book gets me thinking about all the good times we've had, and all of the times I've gotten him to utter the phrase, "I hate you so much right now," in a rueful and loving way.
Shane and I went out a few weeks ago and when we got home we discovered that I'd left the oven on. For five hours. While we were gone. Instead of thinking about the electric bill, we were both really just thankful that the house hadn't burned down because, well, we have pets. The thought of their terror and the threat to their lives if the house caught fire is not actually something I want to think about. So after I turned the oven off, Shane grabbed me into a tight hug. A hug that lasted for about five minutes. I finally had to ask, "Are you hugging me so long so that your arms have something to do because you're trying not to strangle me?" and he answered, "Pretty much." All right then.