It's been a while

It's been a wild, crazy summer. I've had so much going on, both professionally and personally, that something had to give and, unfortunately, what gave was my blogging time. I have had so many ideas I wanted to write down, or started to write down, but never got to complete. There are so many things I want to get done and only so many hours in a day. Getting into all of the details would be far, far more than one (or even 8) blog posts could handle, so I won't even attempt it. I'll just highlight, and say that most of the changes have been really good. Also, I didn't stop writing entirely. I feel a little silly admitting this, but I wrote a book. It's a lighthearted piece of fluff, but one I think is good enough that I'm now working on getting it published. (Wish me luck!) So that's been sucking up any potential blogging time I might have had.
So what are the big changes and highlights? First of all, there's work. I got a new job! This has been one of the best changes in my life since Miss B was born. I interviewed for this job mostly because it was away from my old supervisor (who was bad enough, and crazy enough, that I actually had to file a complaint against her with HR sometime in the last year--and the problems didn't stop, I just tried to keep my head down until I could find a way out) and because I would get a small pay raise. Well, the new job is better than I expected. I'm actually really enjoying it as a job. The tasks are fun, and my coworkers and supervisor are really supportive and friendly. I've worked with them before, so I did know that going into the job. But it's refreshing, after hating work and being so stressed out about it for so long, to have going to work suddenly be pretty good. And that small pay raise? It turns out that moving up a level the way I did entitled me to a 10% pay raise, rather than the $.50 or so that I thought it would be. Now, I keep thinking of this quote, but my raise is nothing to sneeze at. It's enough that when Shane told me his campus job from the last two semesters is only taking on grad students this semester, we were able to be happy about it rather than stressed. We don't *need* the money from that job anymore, and now he gets to be home with Miss B more which makes finding babysitters for his class time much easier. He's still working his weekend job, and we're staying afloat. It's a good feeling.
Miss B herself is thriving. She's 10 months old today! I can hardly believe it, although my thoughts keep turning to the upcoming 1st birthday party. I'm excited to plan it. We're going to ask the grandparents not to go crazy on gifts, and tell friends that gifts are unnecessary, because she's turning 1 and doesn't have any expectations and won't remember it anyway.
We've finally got some of her sleeping problems settled. She's been in her own crib for several months now, and I miss the co-sleeping less than I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, sleepy baby snuggles are awesome. But she was pinching and scratching and kicking us toward the end there and we were being driven crazy. So the move into her own sleeping space has been a really great thing for all of us. She still doesn't want to go to sleep, and usually wakes herself up several times after we put her in bed, but once she's out we get only two wakeup calls during the night, to eat and be changed.
She's thoroughly mobile now, on the cusp of walking. She has a baby walker which she can push around the living room and has quickly gotten really good at it. And she can stand for at least 30 seconds on her own. I've seen her eyeing distances between furniture like, "Hmm, could I walk there?" before she decides that the answer is "no" and drops to a crawl.
She calls us by our slave names, "Mama" and "Dada". She even started calling one grandmother "Nana". Very exciting. It adds an extra level of pathos when I'm trying to make dinner and she crawls over to me, pulls herself up to stand clutching my leg, and says, "Ma! Mama!" because she wants to be held. Since she's so very curious I've been trying to get her involved in cooking as much as possible. She loves it. I'll pick her up once I've got all of the chopping and prep work done, and describe what I'm doing and why I'm doing it as I add ingredients to a dish. "See the onions? See how they're getting lighter and softer? They're almost ready." Yesterday she helped me make bread and was fascinated with the whole process. I let her eat a couple of small bites of dough and when I was kneading it she got some flour to play with. It's working really well for us to do things this way. She so wants to be like the big people that making her feel involved and important is going to be key as she grows up, I suspect.
As always, the summer garden had highlights and low moments. My potatoes were awful because it was the rainiest, wettest summer on record and they just didn't do well. Neither did any of my squashes. I got one--one!--zucchini. Thankfully, a friend got quite a few so she shared with me, and I grabbed some from the farmer's market. Others of my plants did really well, though. Carrots and lettuce went crazy. We had at least one big dinner salad each week this summer, with enough leftovers to be lunch the next day. So we worked with what we had, and I'm filling in now with farmer's market produce to shore up supplies for the winter. Because it's Fairbanks, and as cliche as it has become to say, winter is coming.
Last day for the market is this Saturday. I'm sad, but excited too. I love autumn. All of the gorgeous colors, the different foods we're eating now. It's glorious. Here's a picture I took on a bike ride last weekend:

Beautiful. I live in such a gorgeous place.
That being said, we're working on eating up all of our stores of food by next May, because we're planning to move. Out of Alaska. There are so very many reasons why--Shane can get a better job in another state, I want to be closer to my parents, etc.--but it's still not an easy decision to make. I have a running "pros and cons" list in my head and it comes out about even for both moving and staying. Shane is more excited to move than I am, actually, and without his enthusiasm we would probably stay here. As it is, I'm trying to think only of the positives and not what I will miss so much about Fairbanks. Perhaps we'll come back to live here again someday. At the very least, we have friends here so it won't be a permanent goodbye.
Right now it is definitely the busy season. I'm trying to preserve as much good, local food as possible, trying to get out for bike rides and walks as much as we can while the weather is nice (I love our bike trailer), and at the same time trying to focus on indoor pursuits. I haven't knitted, well, anything in the past two years, so I want to correct that. I've had a sweater which was half finished when I got pregnant and then realized that I wouldn't be able to wear it for about a year anyway so I never finished it. I'm doing so now. Then I want to make a couple of toddler hats (I found an adorable and warm pattern from a Norwegian woman whose last name was my maiden name--distant relative perhaps?), some baby mittens, and maybe some baby sweaters and baby boots (we'll see about the boots--she's got mukluks which would be much warmer, but will they fit during the early part of winter?), as well as some items for Christmas presents.
I also interlibrary loaned a whole pile of books which I've been frantically trying to read before their assigned due dates. Most of them, I've had to request a renewal.
As if all of this wasn't enough, I started a workout program on Monday. T25, so it's supposedly only 25 minutes a day. But then I have to factor in procrastination (I pick up all the toys in the living room so that I can actually workout without stepping on something potentially dangerous) and shower time. The workout is kicking my butt and just what I need to really get back into shape. Walking and biking have been great, but I need more core work and the only work my arms have gotten is lifting and carrying the babe. It's not nothing, but I'd rather not get hurt because I was neglecting to work my arms and shoulders.
So that's what I've been doing the last few months. What about you? How was your summer?

So, how's it going?

Every day is a whirlwind for us. Especially the evenings. We've fallen into a routine, but that doesn't mean the routine is particularly easy. For at least 1 1/2-2 hours in the evening, it seems like everything needs to get done. Dinner needs to be made, breakfast (if I'm making something baked) needs to be made, pets need to be fed, baby always needs to be fed and have a diaper change, it seems, which leads to realizing that we're totally out of diapers and so a load of laundry needs to be started, the overflowing dishes need to be done because the cook needs that item right there and all the space the dishes are taking up, the cat box needs to be cleaned out, some spill (or spitup) needs to be cleaned up and, oh crap, is it a bath night? Hurry hurry hurry! When we were in the midst of this the other night Shane paused and asked, "Do you remember when we used to relax in the evenings?"
Which is not to say that we don't relax. It might seem crazy for a short amount of time, but the before and after are quite nice. It's been warm enough in the afternoons to go for a decent walk when I get home from work. I strap baby into the Ergo, leash up the dog, make sure I'm wearing my ice cleats, and off we go for about half an hour. It's lovely. Miss B(aby) tends to suck her pacifier and keep her serious face on during the walks. I was a little worried that she wasn't enjoying them until Shane pointed out that not once in her life has she ever hesitated to tell us, quite loudly and vocally, when she wasn't enjoying something. Too, she tends to put on her serious face whenever she's trying to take in a lot. She's the same way at the grocery store, but she's also very quiet and well behaved so she must enjoy it at least a bit.
The reason I mentioned my ice cleats is because, well, I broke my wrist a couple of weeks ago. I know I mentioned before that it was already hurting and I was starting to suspect a stress fracture. Well, I fell on it one day when I took the dog for a short walk (for which the dog is totally to blame), and then slipped and fell on it again later in the same week. It hurt bad enough that a couple days after that I decided to go to the urgent care clinic. I have, according to the doctor, a buckle fracture in my left wrist. So I need to wear a hard brace for 6 weeks (I talked the doctor out of making me see an orthopedist to get it casted) and I'm already sick of it. This is all exactly what we needed, more medical bills and for me to not be at 100% again. I'm somewhat annoyed with my dog (I had the baby in the Ergo when I was tripped, and she nearly fell out), but then I have to remind myself that she's an old lady and she tripped me not on purpose, but just because she was so damn happy and excited to be out for a walk. She's going blind, and we think she's starting to go deaf as well. Poor dear, she didn't know what she was doing. Her life has changed, she's not getting all of the walks and runs and attention from me that she's used to. Sometimes that's hard to remember.
After the crazy part of the evening, though I need to be with her (still) for her to sleep, Miss B is usually asleep sometime between 8:30-9:15. After she's asleep I read, with her snuggled up against my side, until I get sleepy and then curl up with her and go almost instantly to sleep. It's hard to complain about that.
As crazy as life at home has been, life at work has been even worse, filled with uncertainty and, frankly, having to deal with crazy people and crazy ideas. I won't go into it, because this isn't the right time or place, but it's been stressful, annoying, and just plain hard to deal with at times. It makes leaving my baby every day that much harder.
As if everything else wasn't quite enough, our duplex was purchased and, though we'd been told by the realtor that the new owner wanted to keep renting to us, I met the new owner this past week and she said that she'd like to move into our unit, not the upstairs as we'd been originally told. When I asked for a timeline she said "one to six months, I'm not sure." Oh goodie. Apparently she's going to fix up the upstairs unit a bit first, while living there, and then move downstairs. So, Shane and I were hoping that we could stay in this place until we moved out of Alaska and it doesn't look like that's going to happen. *sigh* We're trying to figure out what our options are.
You'd think that life would have slowed down a little bit this week, because it's spring break here, but not really. Shane gets to be home with Miss B during the days, but that just means that he needs some time to himself in the evenings. I do get tomorrow off, though, so I'm trying to hang onto my 3 day weekend. I'm sure it will go by far too fast, to be in proportion with how long this relatively short work week has felt.
The very big "however" to all of this is that I'm still managing to take care of myself pretty well. In fact, now that I'm pretty much totally recovered from the c-section, I'm doing my best to put myself first once in a while. I've started running regularly again! Just on weekends, but it's still progress, and last weekend I was actually able to extend one of my runs, so I'm getting back into shape. I carve this time out for myself when I get the baby back to sleep on weekend mornings. I lay her down with Shane (who's either sleeping in or very happy to have an excuse to nap himself) and then I lace up, grab the dog, and go. If I'm really, really lucky, she'll sleep long enough to let me do a few other exercises (like core exercises), stretch, and take a shower. Ok, that really only happened once so by lucky I mean, in my fantasies.
When Breakup really starts and the snow has melted a bit more, when Baby Girl is big enough to go in the jogger, I'll start adding weeknight runs into the rotation. For now, we'll stick with our walks on weeknights. That's about my pace in the evenings, after work. Just enough time and distance to get the benefits of exercise, without it feeling like exercise.
I'm losing the weight I wanted to lose, and though it seems slow to me, it really isn't. I'm losing about the pound/week that's recommended as a healthy pace. And the best part is that I'm not depriving myself at all. Our birthdays are at the beginning of March and this year I made a giant skillet cookie for my birthday, and a key lime pie for Shane's. (See in the pie recipe how it's supposed to be two layers? Yeah, I need to learn to read directions when I'm trying a new recipe. I mixed it all up together and then realized what I'd done. So I tossed in an extra egg and hoped for the best. It still turned out great!) I've since made the skillet cookie again, and I probably will make it again this weekend. It's so much sugar but damn, it's tasty. Even Shane, not normally a fan of cookies, loves it.
I've gotta say, drinking a big glass of whole milk most days is helping me with my weight loss. I'll feel a bit hungry after dinner, drink my milk, and still usually be a bit hungry but not so much that I feel the need to eat. Just as good, I've noticed that it helps with my milk production. And, with a broken wrist, the extra calcium is doing me some good.
So life is crazy, but for the most part I am enjoying it. Baby Girl has learned to laugh, so Shane and I spend a good portion of our time trying to get her to laugh some more. Just as there are no diminishing returns on the humor of baby farts, baby giggles solve all problems and make life infinitely better.

Stress and relief

I am back at work. Dammit. As of Monday, I'm now a working mother. Well, I guess I was always a working mother, since I didn't give up my job, but now I'm actually doing the working part. And it sucks. My job is predictably boring, and I would much rather be at home with my baby. It's hard, sometimes, not to be resentful about the stupid lack of maternity (and paternity) leave we have in this country. Yes, I could have taken 18 weeks. But how many people can really afford to take 18 unpaid weeks? Add in the fact that I'm the family breadwinner and 10 weeks was all I could manage. (I was paid for almost all of that time, thanks to the combination of sick leave, annual leave, and holidays.) Yes, Shane's working but one very part-time student job (I think about 10 hours each week?) and one even more part-time weekend job (4-6 hours) do not bring in much money. In fact, all of that should just about cover what we pay for his student loans each month. (Which is, admittedly, more than the minimum.)
I did, in the last few weeks, ask if I could come back part-time at first. This was partly because I realized how hard it was going to be to leave her for 9 hours each day (including my 1ish hour walking commute) and partly because we found out that the person we intended to ask about babysitting three days a week was out of the country for 6 weeks. Eek!
Unfortunately, the powers that be at work denied my request for part-time. And they gave me half a week of notice to get my shit together and find a babysitter. !!!! So we did the only logical thing and called for grandparent help. Shane's mom, who would be the more logical choice since she's usually closer, is in Hawaii visiting her aunt right now. So we called my mom (who recently discovered that she has a ton of airline miles from her days traveling for work) and made arrangements for her to come up. That left Monday as the only day we needed to find a sitter for, but luckily a friend of ours has recently found a job but hadn't yet started work, so she was available. Phew! It's been a mad scramble and changing of all kinds of plans, but at least I know that Baby Girl is in good hands for my first week of work. My mom keeps saying that Baby Girl reminds her so much of my oldest brother, who was also a high needs baby. (She fits 8 of 12 features on this list, and a couple of them I don't think she fits *yet*, like "hyperactive"--she still loves being held all of the time if possible, but when we do lay her down for play time she's rarely still. People remarked at one month old how well she could already hold her head up and now at two months she already loves to stand, with the person holding her mostly acting as a support so that she doesn't tip sideways. However, the very first thing on the list? Intense? Yes, that is exactly the word I would use to describe my child.) My mom said that, when she's older, she'll be so easy because she'll be a self-motivator and will easily entertain herself. Also, "any other kids you have will seem ridiculously easy after her." When I joked, "Unless the next one is the same way!" my mom pointed out that, even then, we'll have experience with a high needs baby and know exactly what to do.
Thankfully, she's regulating herself into a bit of a routine, so life is easier now than it was in the first month. Naptime is basically non-existent--she catnaps unless she's being held. Even then, she doesn't usually sleep all that long. My mom got her to sleep for an hour and a half in her cradle yesterday but "it took some doing, and some tears". She was relieved to know that it wasn't just her having trouble getting a nap out of Baby Girl. I confessed that Baby Girl sleeps with us most nights (a little nervous, since my mom had a younger brother who died of SIDS and I worried she'd freak out about the slightly increased risk--which apparently is only risky if the parents are smokers and/or abuse alcohol and drugs, none of which we do, obviously). My mom nodded, saying, "Yeah, that's what we had to do with your brother, too." But nights are easy that way. She tends to sleep a ten hour night and, unless she's going through a growth spurt (like right now) she only wakes up once in that time to eat. I actually have to poke her awake sometimes because my boobs are full and I really need to feed something.
Breastfeeding also finally turned from something that was wonderful but still a bit fragile into an easy thing. Thanks, in part, to the pump I not only produced enough for her but also a bit extra to store in the freezer for my return to work. I had 8 bags of 3-5 ounces stashed in the freezer, two fresh in the fridge for my first day of work, and 2 bags of 1 ounce (in case she needs more after a meal, or to tide her over until I get home at the end of a work day). Considering how long it took to get my milk supply up, I'm incredibly proud of that. It was a little overshadowed when my friend said that she had over 20 bags in her freezer, despite how much her son eats (he's gained 8 pounds in 3 months!), but this is also her second baby and she said it was so, so much easier for her this time around.
My new work routine is this: wake up at 6:30 and get ready for work. Sometimes Baby Girl wakes up then, and sometimes not. Regardless, I make sure she wakes up so that I can feed her. Most mornings she goes right back to sleep and I have her snuggle up with Shane, who will hand her off to my mom when he needs to leave. At work, I pump twice during the day, on my breaks. That's been enough so far, with feeding her before I leave and then again as soon as I get home. I haven't been able to pump in the evenings so far (not only is she growing, but I think she's missed me during the day and wants to be close to me) but on weekends I'll continue to fit in a pumping session or two and continue adding to my stockpile. Since breastmilk loses a little of its nutrients in the freezer, what I've pumped on Fridays will stay fresh in the fridge for Monday's workday feedings.
My pumping area at work is a space that's mostly used as a supply closet. I brought in a sheet to cover the doorway and made a sign, brought one of the extra chairs in, and voila! There is a dedicated lactation room on campus, but I'd have to go to another building and it would be a pain in the ass. So I talked to my coworkers and everyone agreed that this will work well. Since I'm just pumping on my breaks, this is close enough that I'm not going too far over my 15 minutes (and I think I'm the only one in the office who watches the clock anyway). It's a bit dim, but I can relax back there, oddly, and I generally end up standing, which I find more relaxing than sitting. The only awkward part is having to carry the milk through the public part of the library back to my office (and the fridge) but I'm as discreet as possible so I don't think anyone else notices. My coworkers are all cool about the breastmilk in the fridge too. I may be biased, but I think it helps that it's an office of exclusively women.
Finally, I'm trying to lose some weight and get back in shape. I was worried at first that it would affect my milk supply if I cut calories, but things are going so well that it should be fine. Especially since I'm not doing anything extreme. Three days a week I'm going for a short run (20-30 minutes) with the dog (who has calmed down a lot, but still gets jealous of the baby and I want my old lady dog to know I still love her!). Another 2 days per week I'm trying to do some yoga or other exercises in the house. It's helpful that Baby Girl enjoys sitting in her bouncy seat watching us exercise. She kicks and smiles and I coo at her as I'm getting into downward dog or whatever. It's great, and relaxing which is exactly what I need.
I'm very conflicted about my postpartum figure. On the one hand, I am awesome! I made a human being! If I have a few stretch marks, a shiny new scar, and some loose skin around my tummy, that is a small price to pay for the amazing little person I birthed. On the other hand, I do want to be healthy so exercise and a good weight are important. Not only that, but my husband is important as well, and what he thinks of me. I sent him a link about what new dads should know about new moms, and the appearance aspects of it really resonate with me. He didn't seem to get it. I was getting dressed for my run last night and he poked my belly, laughing a bit. I said, "Thanks, because I really don't feel ugly enough." He answered, "Well, you're doing something about it." I don't think he realized quite how hurtful his words were. This wasn't exactly the "you're still beautiful" I was hoping for. But, I know he meant it as, "you're unhappy now but you're doing something about it and that's awesome and I want to support you no matter what!" But it didn't sound that way. This is one of the problems of an English major marrying a non-English major. I can pick out all of the nuances in language, which Shane doesn't think are that important. So where I hear "yeah, you're pretty unattractive after having our kid and I'm looking forward to you getting into better shape again", he doesn't mean it that way. And I know it, but the phrasing still hurts because, in my head, what I hear isn't his intent.
When I mentioned last week that I was going to get serious about losing some weight now (and I don't just mean the few pounds leftover from being pregnant and from my enforced inactivity during the cold weather, but back down to the weight I was at just after high school, so another 8-ish pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight) Shane asked, "So, how can I support you in this without sounding like a dick?" I told him honestly that I didn't know, I just thought it was important to tell someone else so that I was held accountable. But he's back into an exercise routine as well, now that the holidays are over and my brothers (who visited for a little over a week) are gone. We've been making sure to stock the house with healthy snacks. My "treat" the past few days has been these "German chocolate energy bites", which taste decadent but are really good for you. I've been eating a lot of oats, making overnight oatmeal as a snack (oats are a galactogogue, so they support breastfeeding--important as I start pumping more, since that can decrease supply--AND they're high in iron, which will help me get out of the anemic range quickly) and I made baked oatmeal (with wild cranberries that I picked last summer) for breakfast for the week. I've also been making sure that I get some nuts (usually walnuts but sometimes almonds) every day, and I'm trying to drink one glass of organic whole milk every day. This weekend I'll probably try to make some boiled eggs to have as another snack, since I've noticed that my milk supply is higher when I've been eating a lot of protein. Plus, eggs are delicious, help with building muscle (important as I start exercising regularly again) and they're overall a really healthy food.
As far as how I'm planning to lose weight, I do terribly with diets. Just really awful. For one thing, most of them advocate cutting out at least some of the foods that I love and I can't do that. And I hate counting calories or weighing my food to make sure my portions are all correct, etc. We eat a really healthful diet, but most of the time I eat in such a way that it maintains my weight. So to lose weight, I'm simply going to bed a teensy bit hungry. Not starving, not really truly hungry, but just a bit peckish. Feeling like I could have another small snack and just not having it. I don't feel deprived this way and I'm still getting enough calories to (hopefully) keep my breastmilk supply up. (I'll reassess as time goes on and I've been at work for more than a week.)
I really didn't intend to make most of this post about baby-related stuff, but it's hard not to when most of my thoughts each day revolve around Baby Girl and what's best for her. So,

How to make the most of your library experience: Don't piss off the librarian

I don't usually think of my job as a "customer service" job. It is, and I do know that, but tucked away in our little corner of the University, most people don't even realize we exist. The people who do know about us are generally so happy that we exist, and use our resources so much, that they love us. Consequently, I avoid roughly 95% of all "customer service" related bullshit. In over four years of working here, I've only had to deal with a handful of truly rude or annoying patrons.
Which is not to say that I don't have problem patrons. It's just not the major problems that other places have. We get the little annoyances, the things that people without severe mental or emotional problems (I've had to deal with a few of those) bring to the library without seeming to realize it. Pretty much anyone who's going to read this will, I assume, be smart enough to know not to go to the library drunk. Most people will understand that, while looking at porn on a library computer is not technically illegal, it is gross. Doing more than just watching said porn, however, is completely illegal. (That doesn't stop people from doing it.) There are serious, gross, and flat-out creepy problems which librarians have to deal with and which most people don't even think of. Several of our librarians had to go on a hunt for whoever was downloading and printing pictures of child porn. When they called police and caught the guy, it turned out that he had an outstanding warrant on a charge of child molestation. Lovely, right? This didn't even occur at a public library. This was a University library. Public librarians have it so, so much worse.
There are entire meetings I've been to discussing the porn policy (where does the line get drawn between legitimate research--there are a few classes which could/do require students to look at what would otherwise be questionable material, and not all students have personal computers--and someone just getting their jollies watching porn in public?) or discussing what to do if someone's passed out. Are they drunk, or could it be a serious medical condition making them appear so? Where do these lines get drawn?
What I'm talking about are not the gray areas. These are things which people should know how to do, and just don't. These are the things which piss me off. Give me ten people with mental illnesses over one person who comes to me with a combative attitude, acting like I'm their servant.
To be clear, I am not, strictly speaking, a librarian. I haven't gotten my MLS (master's of library science) degree. I'm just a lowly library technician. A staff person. However, I sit at the front circulation desk. Our librarian handles the major issues, while my coworker and I handle the day-to-day running of our little demesne, including dealing with the patrons. Even better, mine is the first desk people get to when they need to speak to someone. So when we do get a lousy, annoying, or just plain rude patron, they come to me first.
So here are just a few problems that I've had over the years, and why they are problems.

1. It's such a simple thing, but push in your chairs. Seriously, you should have learned how to do this in kindergarten. I don't understand it, but very few people actual feel that they need to bother pushing in their chairs at the library. Consequently, they block aisles and create a less welcoming atmosphere for everyone. Every time I get up from my desk I end up walking around pushing in chairs that people have left strewn everywhere. It's annoying.

2. Don't be rude to your fellow patrons. I'm not talking about outright rudeness, here, (which is a huge problem but also falls under the heading of "I'm sure if you're reading this, you already know not to do these things" category outlined above) but about small rudenesses. Don't chat loudly on your cell phone. Don't take up lots of space because you can, spreading your bag, coat, laptop, etc., all around over several different desks, chairs, or tables. Someone else might need that space. Someone else might want to get through that aisle. Don't be a dick.

3. Don't whine about how hard you've got it and why that exempts you from the rules. Seriously. This is probably the most common type of complaint we get. One woman is so infamous for it that we groan when she comes in. My favorite is her complaint, "But I have children." This excuse has been used for everything from why she can't turn in any book on time to why we're jerks for sending an ILL book back to the library which owns it before she could pick it up, even though she had a month in which to come pick it up before it was due. Congrats on your fertility, lady! That doesn't exempt you from library rules. You are not special. Your failure to plan ahead is not our fault, so don't try to make it our problem. We will not sympathize.

4. Read the signs we have posted. They're posted for a reason. It amazes me how many people come into the library and just...don't read things. We have pretty much all of our rules posted somewhere or another. We've got signs up everywhere in an effort to show people where things are. We definitely have patrons who never need to interact with us unless they're checking out items, because they've actually read the signs. Then there are the patrons who won't even read the colorful sign I have posted on the front of my desk, and get pouty when I point it out to them. It's a sign asking people to stand in front of my desk, rather than coming around to stand by my side, both because it's creepy when they invade my space and, more importantly, for privacy issues. Speaking of privacy issues....

5. Don't assume that we're keeping things from you to be jerks. There are an amazing number of legal issues surrounding libraries and the information we have access to. We have an incredible amount of personal information about people in our database: names, phone numbers, addresses--all to get in touch with people when we need to, but still personal info--and since we're a University, ID #s which can access all kinds of other personal scholarly information, such as transcripts. Not to mention, information on what books people have checked out (yes, that information is legally protected). People are always shocked and generally a little pissed off when I can't do something for them which would infringe on someone else's library information. We had a woman in the other day asking if her husband had checked out a book. When I told her that I couldn't legally answer that question she said, "But he's my husband!" Sure. But you don't have proof of that, and even if you did I still wouldn't be able to tell you because there are laws protecting that information. Yes, even from spouses.
We also have patrons asking to check out books that are on hold for other people, on the other person's behalf. We can't let you do that for a variety of reasons, including those pesky privacy laws again. I realize it can be inconvenient, but you're not only asking me to break library rules for you, you're asking me to break the law.

6. Don't, for the love of all things holy, assume that we will do all of your work for you. The one thing I see most commonly, and which drives me craziest, are the people who walk up to my desk first thing and say, "Where do I find this?" My first question for them is, "Have you tried looking in the catalog?" Half the time they say no, and I mentally categorize them (fairly or not) as lazy. Sometimes, I do realize, it's a matter of telling them how to get access to the catalog. (It's online, just like everything else these days.) But I actually had one conversation go like this:
Me: Did you look in the catalog?
Patron: No.
Me: Well, you can look it up in the online library catalog from any of those computers over there. It will be the homepage, so it's really easy.
Patron: But I wanted you to do it.
Me: ...But I'm showing you how to do it, so that you don't need to come and ask me every time you want to look up a book.
Patron: Yeah, I still want you to do it for me.
At this point, I was super annoyed and wanted to tell this guy, "Go fuck off, it's not my job to coddle you and enable your laziness." Of course, I couldn't say that. I ended up looking up the book for him, but I did let my annoyance show through. It would have taken this guy less time to look it up himself than he spent arguing with me about who should look it up. I got the impression that he was being a douche because he could, and because he thought it should be my job to cater to him. That is not, ever, the purpose of a librarian. Yes, we're here to help. But using a library correctly is not difficult, and it is a skill that all people should learn. When you don't bother to try learning, you're not going to get the most helpful service.

7. Don't ever think that you know more about the library's resources than the library worker you're talking to. This one happened just this morning, as it turns out. The very first thing I had to deal with when I got to work was an angry phone call from someone who was pissed that he couldn't find the information he needed. I realized pretty quickly that he was looking in the wrong place on the website but every time I tried to explain how to get to the information he needed he swore he was looking at the place I wanted to navigate him to and would rant for a bit about how awful our website is. ("When I type in the title of this journal, it's not even the first thing that comes up! It's, like the seventh, and that's just crazy." I wanted to ask if he'd ever used a database before, and if he understood how they work. Do you always accept your first Google hit?) If he'd have shut up for 30 seconds, it would have been a much faster and more pleasant conversation. As it was, I had to endure several minutes of him talking about how horrible our website is, and by extension the library and everyone who works here. Not productive, dude. I finally got him to listen to me, explained a few things to him, and then how to get what he wanted. All the while, I had to endure more verbal abuse about how bad our service is. Thanks. Once again, if you're willing to learn then I'm willing to teach you. If you're not willing to learn how to use the library resources properly, then there's really nothing I can do for you. You're going to have a bad time, and it's going to be all your fault. I just can't say it that way to you.

8. Don't lie to us. It's pure stupidity on your part to assume that we can't see through your lies. Just because we don't call you on them every time doesn't mean that we believe you. The third time you come in with some lame and generally convoluted story about why you can't turn in something on time, I'm not going to be happy with you and I will let it show. Because the why isn't actually my problem. You checked out the item, and by doing so you need to understand that....

9. Checking out a library item is sort of like signing a contract. You agree to borrow it for a certain amount of time, and we should have a reasonable expectation that you will bring it back at least close to the time it's due. We explain when an item might have a fine attached to it so that you know beforehand. And usually, we're pretty nice. We'll waive fees all the time, knowing that a) students are poor and b) life happens. But when it's a consistent problem on your end, then expect the library to have a problem with you. You are not the only person in the world, nor are you the only person who might want to borrow the item you've taken out. We have rules about borrowing periods for a reason. If you're not following them, that's your fault. You knew what you were getting into when you checked the item out.

10. Understand that we have lives outside of the library. When I tell you that the library is closing, I mean that it's closing. I have a home and a family to get back to, and you're infringing on that. When I say "we're closed", I don't mean 15 minutes from now, I mean now. The fact that you didn't get all of your online shopping done before the library closed is not my problem, but you're making it mine. And I'm not being a douche for saying that I'll call security to have them escort you out, I'm trying to let you understand what a douche you're being to me. Once again, we have our hours signs posted all over the place. If you ask, we'll tell you when we close. I go around the library before closing to let people know, hey, we're closing up soon. It is not a surprise, and once again you don't get to be the special exempted person for whom the rules don't apply. You're just being an ass. Now get the fuck out of my library and let me go home.

Household inequality and adjustment

There are all kinds of inequality within a household. It's well documented that women do more housework, childcare, etc. One thing that's gotten a lot of press recently is that women are now starting to out-earn men, and all the stress that's causing.
Now that Shane's home, we're having to deal with inequality of our own sort. First of all, there are chores. Out of three adults, I am the only one with a job currently. The Boy not having a job is a point of contention and irritation in our household, so I won't go into that topic. However, he does have a "job" in the form of school and homework. Shane currently has neither, though he is taking a short go-at-your-own-pace course online for something he wants to learn. So, how do we divide the chores now? What factors do we take into account when deciding what counts, what counts *more*? The only thing we seem to have resolved is the issue of the dishes, with the Boy doing twice as many loads (Shane - Boy - me - Boy - Shane....) since we do more of the cooking. It's a given that I will still be doing all of the laundry (but just for me and Shane, the Boy does his own) because Shane doesn't have the inclination and if left up to him laundry would be done twice a year.
For the others, though? I got into the habit of trying to make the house clean before Shane got home so that he didn't have to deal with messes which clearly weren't made by him. When he was home he'd take care of a couple of chores (cleaning the litter box, doing dishes) so that I'd get a small break from them. Now, when I'm the one out of the house so much more, we'll probably have to reverse that. I think it will be more difficult on Shane than it was on me, actually. He has more exacting standards of cleanliness, but I'm the one more likely to actually do the cleaning. I think that he allows his standards to get in the way of actually doing something because it seems like such a monumental task.
As a small matter, we have the issue of Christmas. I told Shane that I didn't want a present for Christmas because I'm already getting what I want. He still hasn't told me if he wants a Christmas present, however, in part because he said that if he asks for one he'll feel like "a selfish douchebag". I did a very poor job last night of re-explaining that I'm already getting what I want (an incredibly extravagant trip to see my family over the holidays). It doesn't seem to make him feel any better, though, so this is a question we'll have to keep exploring. I know I need to ask questions like, what would he want from me for Christmas? Also, to reassure him that asking for a Christmas gift doesn't mean I'll think of him as selfish. We both stopped buying anything for a while beyond basic necessities, including not replacing things which were worn out. I indulged a little bit over the summer and bought myself a few things I'd been putting off for a while (and obviously still passed the test of, "Will this be useful and fill a need in my life?") but Shane, being gone so much, didn't have that same opportunity that I did. If there are things he's held back from buying but wants or needs, I want him to let me know.
Perhaps the biggest current inequality in our household is just this: jobs. Shane's ego is still (in my opinion) far too closely tied with his employment situation. He feels like he's not contributing anything to "us" if he's not employed. I was hoping that having such a good job over the summer would mitigate some of this but it didn't, and am I a terrible person if I admit a little weariness in having to frequently prop up his sense of self every time he's unemployed? It's been less than a week and I already want to snap and tell him to stop throwing himself a fucking pity party all the time. Instead, I keep reminding him that I'm glad he's home, that there are lots of things he missed out on over the summer because of his employment (like having any kind of a social life), that there are projects around the house I need his help with, that there are things he wanted to learn and do which he now has time for. With just a hint of irritation I even pointed out to him that despite the short duration of his job (May-early November) we managed to save more than my yearly salary, without adding, "so fuck off, whiner" at the end of it. Makes for a good discussion when I can rein in my irritation that way. We'll see if it holds up.
What we're both trying to do is to keep Shane occupied while he transitions from being gone nearly all the time to being home all the time. It's a big transition, and I'm having my own problems with it. Like, I got used to sleeping alone and pretty much being autonomous (except in financial matters). Now I have someone else to answer to (like if the kitchen isn't clean, or on the matter of, "What movie did you want to watch?") and I've been waking up during the night because having him around disturbs my sleep. (Might be part of why I've been so irritated...just a little.) So while I'm happy to have him home, it's more of a mixed bag than I expected. I imagine he's feeling the same way. Coming up with projects and plans--things to do together and things for Shane to do during the day while I'm gone--is our way of adjusting.
I'm also trying to focus on the good things. It is nice to have him home, and I don't want to sound like I'm just complaining. He makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts, it's lovely to have someone to talk to, and even enjoying the funny things the pets do is better now because I get to share it with him rather than describing it over Skype. So the transition will come along, it's just the unexpectedness of the adjustment period that caught us both by surprise.
Any advice?

Not wasting food

It's been a whirlwind week so far, for both of us. Shane went back to work Monday morning (leaving at 5:30) and hasn't worked less than a 12 hour day since then.
I've been working 9 hour days to try to conserve as much of my vacation time as possible for when I can actually spend time with my husband and family. I'll be doing the same (or possibly even working a couple of 10s) next week when we get back. I'm hoping to use less than 3 days of vacation time for the 5 1/2 days we'll be gone.
But we're going to Hawaii! I'm so excited. To see Shane's wonderful aunt (who is letting us stay with her), to see my friends get married, to see the tropical island again and swim in warm ocean water...it will be bliss. And best of all, I get to spend a bunch of time with Shane and with my brother. I'll even get a chance to know my brother's girlfriend a bit.
Even with such a short trip, though, there's a lot of planning involved. Not only finding a pet-sitter and someone to drive us to the airport, packing, and working a lot, but also making sure we're not wasting food. Over the weekend, when Shane and I went to the grocery store together, I bought a bunch of fruit. He ended up asking me, "Can you eat all of that? Are you sure?" The answer is a definitive yes, because I have the last of it packed for lunch. After I eat dinner tonight, the only thing we'll have in the house which could go bad is some celery, and I'll probably eat some of that with my dinner before blanching and freezing the rest.
Of course, this means that on top of everything else I'll need to do when I get home, I'll have to go grocery shopping. But I would have had to do that anyway, since this food would have gone bad before I got home. This way it's just not wasted.
I am rather proud of how perfectly I planned it all, though. I made a wrap sandwich for lunch today (we don't even have any bread left) and ended up using some of my homegrown spinach in it because all of our other leafy vegetables and things which might have gone into a sandwich have been eaten (or were so old that they'd gone moldy, like the avocado I bought, darn it!). Now I've harvested from my garden stuff: a few spinach leaves, 2 beans, and 7 pea pods. Not bad for the beginning of June in Fairbanks!
The packing is the only major thing I have left on my list. I haven't started yet, of course. I wait until the last minute so that the pets don't have as much time to freak out. They're freaking out anyway because Shane's gone, so I really don't want to add to that. I'll pack tonight, and I'll have to do some digging for the clothes I want, since truly hot weather is a rarity around here. Thankfully I have a few sundresses, two of which my MIL bought for me, one from Italy, and one from the last time Shane and I went to HI. (He bought me a dress, and I bought him a shirt.) Since we won't be gone that long, everything will easily fit inside my hiking backpack. I have a dress that will be great for the wedding itself, and I'll be packing a total of three pairs of shoes. (One pair of flip-flops, one pair of walking sandals, and my ballet flats.) Now is also when my Nook is going to come in most handy: I'll download some free books from ListenAlaska to put on there and won't have to worry about running out of things to read. The only actual book I'll bring will be one which I'm returning to my little brother, via my middle brother (who's coming to the wedding). That middle brother will also be bringing a couple of books to me, one return and one loan. :) Ah, Sibling Post. Love it.
In addition to everyone we'll see in Hawaii, we also get to see my MIL. We had to stop in Anchorage no matter what, so we made it a rather long layover and my MIL will drive up to have lunch with us. Not only that, but she's giving me her old iPod Touch. It's not at all old, but she got an iPhone and decided that she didn't need the iPod anymore, so she offered it to me. I tend to be the type of gets an electronic gadget and uses it until it starts to break. This is the case with my old, first generation iPod Nano. There was a recall a while ago because so many of the first gen ones broke, and they replaced them with newer ones. But I never did that because mine worked just fine. Well, now it's not. Some of the buttons are dying, and the sound goes off sometimes. I would want it replaced anyway soon (running without music is unbelievably boring!), so it makes me happy that I can replace it without either spending a lot of money or buying something new.
Talk to you later, folks!

Keeping busy

With this, the first week of Shane's new job and all of the long, lonely evenings, I did my best to keep busy. My friends helped out a lot, knowing that I'd need something. Monday night we had our final vet visit for the eye problem (at least, for now), and since I didn't have a vehicle Fiona (the vet's daughter and my next-door neighbor) gave us a lift. After the appointment I visited with her family for a bit (her parents are going to Peru for several weeks) and we got to catch up. It was lovely.
I also had my first softball game of the summer that night. Yes, I have a face mask this year! I told the team captain that I wouldn't be playing catcher without a mask and he pulled one out of the bag. Apparently, he didn't want any more hospital trips this summer either. :) It's going to take a lot of getting used to, because as it is I can't see anything down low, like my glove or the ball when I'm trying to catch it. I joked that I'm having to try to catch by echolocation. Good thing there's no stealing in coed softball!
Tuesday the dog and I jogged over to J&L's house to go for a walk with L and the baby, who were leaving on Thursday for Seattle and Oregon. When I saw them, Baby had been super fussy that day and was driving her dad nuts when I showed up. He was trying to strap her into the jogger but she was leaning forward, grunting, refusing to let him actually snap the harness. He finally gave up in exasperation. (I've met stronger-willed babies before, but she's near the top of that list. That kid is stubborn!) Thankfully, when the walk started, she was so charmed by having the dog along that she forgot to be cranky for a while. She was watching the dog and just giggling for about five minutes. It was awesome. She got fussy again by the end of the walk, though. Poor baby. Sounds like she might be teething again or something. :(
Wednesday Fiona came over for dinner. I just made spaghetti, nothing fancy. But it was fun to share a meal with her, and to be able to say "thank you" for having such a great friend.
I thought that with Shane gone so much I'd have lots of free time to fill with reading, "Mad Men" (which Shane finds "boring"), sewing, knitting, crocheting, gardening, and exercise. But no. I'm sure I probably will as the summer goes on and I get into more of a routine, but it was nice to stay busy this week. Also, it's amazing how much of an evening an hour or so on Skype takes up. (Yes, it works!...sort of.) We've been on there pretty much every evening, saying hi. We have to type, but we do have video. I showed him the pets, so he was able to see how they're doing. He said, "What a lazy household!" as I swept the webcam around so he could see our lounging pets.
There are some really, really good parts to Shane's new job and some really, really bad parts. Oh, the bad parts are not about the job itself. That sounds pretty great. He likes the people he works with, and the job itself is pretty much what he'd been hoping for. They've even been talking about training him to advance within the company. Shane's excited about the prospect of having not just a job, but a career. It's hard for me because I don't want to get in the way of that, but I also don't want a two on/one off or even two on/two off schedule forever. What about when we have kids? I imagine that would be rough when they're little. So there are plenty of future unknowns that we'll have to work out at some point.
The good thing is that we're going to be saving a lot of money on household bills. Shane's fed at the work site, and I'll probably be eating cheaper foods (hello, lentils!) while he's gone, since they're easier to make for just one person. Also, electricity. I'll use far less of it than we do together, and I tend to use less than Shane does anyway.
The thing I don't really like is what they're feeding him up there. The water is fine for showering, according to the company, but has concentrations of lead and arsenic which make it undrinkable. So it's all bottled waters, Vitamin Water, and soda. (Alcohol at camp means immediate firing, so he can't even bring up a bottle or two of his beer.) Packaged foods, like granola and energy bars, candy bars, etc, are laid out all the time for people to take at will. (For a snacker like Shane, that can be a horrible thing.) And everything else has meat in it. He was actually happy last night to eat some of the leftover (vegetarian) marinara sauce, which normally he doesn't like, because he was feeling a little bit of meat overload. The coffee they're serving is not, of course, cold-pressed so it's been bothering his stomach a bit.
The amount of trash produced between the two of us is going to go way up, even with my trash amount going way down. *Sigh* Shane can't ride his motorcycle up there (the roads are too awful) so for now it'll be more gasoline. (He's going to find a carpool soon.) I did expect some big changes, and some things that I wouldn't like. But being confronted with the reality of them is totally different. Now I'm putting my mind toward thinking of how else I can change things to make up for these new not-so-good changes. Any ideas?
Shane will be gone too much this summer to be able to play softball, but after he got home last night we went to go watch the second game. I love watching them play, it's always fun and funny. Another of our friends had to quit the team because he got a job in New York state for the summer, so he'll be leaving just before Shane gets home next time. It was nice to chat with him and make plans to hang out this weekend. The guys lost their game (10-11), but it was a great game to watch.
This weekend is going to be such a whirlwind of activity that I might actually enjoy the peace and quiet after Shane leaves on Monday. :)

Good to know

I accidentally left a tray of seedlings out last night, in the cold. I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing as I brought my plants inside, and didn't realize that I'd left a whole tray outside. Thankfully, it's the cold-hardy lot. I'd brought in the warm weather plants way earlier, so there was no danger to them. But it's still getting cold enough at night that I didn't want to leave any plants outside for that long yet.
No worries! The first one I saw, one of my squash plants, was looking really wilted but I realized that's because the soil was too dry. I gave it some water (not warm, but not very cold, either, to warm up the roots a little) and it perked up again. The rest of the plants were no worse the wear for their overnight adventure. I still brought them back inside, however, for the day. Hardening off plants is a fairly long process. They need natural light, unfiltered through windows, but the shock of setting them outside too much too quickly can kill them, even in warm weather. I've been setting my trays outside for no more than a few hours at a time.
My warm weather plants (tomatoes, celery, etc.) haven't been outside nearly as much as the cold weather crops. It's not only been chilly, but windy too. Wind can be good for plants, because it makes the roots and stems stronger. But it would mostly be too much for these poor little warm-loving seedlings. So over the weekend I simply opened the door and moved them into the spot that was getting direct, real sunlight. They were totally sheltered from the wind but getting the sunlight they needed. Now that I'm starting to move them outside I'm being careful to keep them in a sunny spot that's still somewhat buffered against the wind. I'll be babying these seedlings long after the cold hardy ones are planted outside--which will be this weekend or early next week, depending on time and tilling. Between family in town and graduation stuff, I might just not have time for it this weekend.
I will possibly try to plant my potatoes tonight, however. I'm going to do a tire tower again, for which project I went "shopping" at the transfer station after taking the dog to the vet last week. (They're in the same direction.) I got two more rimless tires, so it should make a decent-sized stack, probably five tires high. I can't wait to see how many potatoes I get this year!
For the record, once we (finally) get a place of our own and I can set up my garden however I want, I will most likely stop doing the tire tower. At least for food plants. I'll keep the tires and put flowers in them (common around here, and much prettier than you'd expect) and figure out something else to do for potatoes. I am worried about the nasty, toxic chemicals from the tires leaching into the potatoes but at this point I don't grow enough, and we don't eat enough, potatoes to make it the top priority. I'm more concerned about all of the things we're still buying in plastic packaging and how many toxins are leaching into them.
Signs that spring is finally here are everywhere. The birds are out in force, singing and chirping away. They've been driving my cat nuts, sitting there on the fence when he's inside and flying away as soon as I open the door. I woke up to birdsong this morning for what feels like the first time in a long time. Yesterday I saw a hare on my walk to work, half white and half brown, still in the transition from his winter coat to summer.
And the trees are finally starting to bud! Leaves are beginning to pop out all over the place and when I look at the hills there are patches of green starting to appear. I'm guessing that by this time next week it'll be summer here.
Shane managed to call me yesterday. For work, he had to drive all the way back to town to FedEx some water samples to a testing lab, and then drive back. He couldn't see me (FedEx is all the way across town) but once he was back in cell phone reception range he gave me a call. We even got to Skype a little bit last night, with our webcams. (But no mics, I don't have one and Shane was worried about waking up other people around him. The walls are thin, and there are both night and day shift workers so you never know who might be sleeping when.) It was so nice to see him. He looked tired, but he'd worked a 12 hour day and an 11 hour day since getting up there. Whew! Most of his days shouldn't be like that, but they have a limited amount of time in which to train both him and the guy who's in the mirror position. And so far, so good. :) He said the people he's working with "aren't too crazy" (which sounds weird to those out of state, but that actually can be a huge problem up here), the work is about what he was expecting, and the food situation is "awesome". I'm so happy!

Jobbed relief

Shane has a job! Well, an offer at any rate. I'm home sick today (just general crumminess and ickiness) so I was here to see him off to the theater. He called about five minutes later to say, "Umm, guess who just called me?" They're going to email the offer to him and he'll go in tomorrow to sign things and finalize things, like when he'll start.
I'm so proud of him! Over the last nine months or so he's had times when he's felt really, really down about himself for not having a full-time job. He felt useless, and he felt like a bad husband. Not that he thinks he needs to be The Provider, in the old-fashioned sense, but he wants to know that he's at least contributing. What made it harder is that so many of the jobs around here in his field (biology) are things where he'd be out in the field for months at a time, so he didn't apply to those. It would have been different if we were still just dating--we've spent summers apart before--but now he wanted to stay a little closer to home. That restricted his job choices, and what was left often called for more experience than he has.
And then this job came along. What is it? Well, he'll be working for a mining company. I know, I know! On the surface, it sounds like something I'd totally be against. But my wonderful husband will be doing the environmental impact assessment stuff. There's a strip of gold up there (in Livengood--pronounced with a long I sound, not like "livin'-good" as my brother likes to call it--about 85 miles north of here) that no one's started mining yet. They're still determining if it's worth it, apparently, but with the price of gold what it is it's almost certain that they will start mining it. So Shane will be determining what they'll have to do during and after the mining process to put it back the way it should be.
We've known for weeks now that this job was a definite possibility. He got called in for an interview about four weeks ago, and they actually asked him, "Do you have any experience with small vehicles, such as snow machines and ATVs?" He said it was a little hard not to laugh when he answered, "I've been comfortable on a snow machine since I was three." Apparently, they've been having trouble finding someone with the right environmental background who also knows how to drive an ATV. Since the mining area is in the wilderness, that's sort of crucial. And it also shows me that the job will be active, which is the kind of thing Shane really needs. He'd be worse than I am about having a desk job.
When I told my brother about that interview question he said, "Man, I wish I'd have a job interview where they asked me something like that. Awesome."
So we waited. They asked for more information from him, then for permission to do a background check. It was so hard not to mention that he was likely going to get a job, and even harder not to be privately excited by the possibility. Not getting your hopes up is a very hard thing to do.



*I originally wrote this post pretty much right after getting off the phone with Shane, then decided that I should perhaps wait until after he'd actually signed the papers to crow about this on the tubes. Now the papers are signed, and he starts May 7th. The job is two weeks on/one week off, so I'll be by myself for about 2/3rds of the year. Gulp. In the interview, he was told that it was two weeks on/two off, which was going to be hard enough. Am I disappointed by this? Oh, yes. Of course I am! Obviously, I love him and I love being around him. But this won't be the worst thing ever. I told him that I'm trying to concentrate on the upsides--like the fact that I can cook all those things he hates while he's gone and not have to hear him whining. (In reality, I'll probably start eating a lot more sandwiches because I hate cooking for just myself.) Our household bills will go down, probably significantly since we won't have his computer on most of the time and we can switch to cheaper internet. Also, we'll appreciate the time we have together more. In fact, that part has already started. Yesterday afternoon, before the siblings came over, we were both lying on the bed reading together, with the dog snuggled up with us. It was lovely. Shane fell asleep and I laid there between the two of them, listening to the dog snore and knowing that it wouldn't be like this forever. I'll have very little time with Shane while he's doing this job, and the realistic part of me knows that the dog has a very short time with us. So I was trying to hold onto that moment and make it count.
We know couples who've done work like this for years and said that they actually enjoyed it. But one of our goals is to save up enough money so that Shane doesn't have to work like this for very long. I want him home, and we want to start a family at some point. Shane said, "When we have kids, I want to actually know them and have them know me."
Perhaps the worst part is that they don't even have Skype. There's internet, but it's slow. There's no cell phone service, but there are land line phones Shane can use. I keep trying to remind myself that people in past generations have had it much, much worse. At least we can communicate. We'll manage. And it won't be forever. Shane will get experience which he can transfer to other, better jobs later on. And by better, I mean closer to home.
I've slept horribly the past couple of nights, with my mind whirling about what this will mean. For one thing, we actually get to start planning our future rather than just continuing our holding pattern and waiting for something to happen. We're trying to decide what we want, and what we want to do with all the money we'll suddenly have. (I won't say what he's making, but at least compared to what we've been making/living on it was enough to make me say, "Holy shit!" when I realized what our combined incomes would amount to.) One thing is clear: I don't want to stop living frugally. AT THE VERY LEAST, living frugally will mean that he has to work at a job that takes him away from me for as short a time as possible. So most of our money will still be saved or put toward our long-term goals.
We're having to suddenly make decisions we didn't think about before. Do we want Shane to have double coverage with healthcare, or do we want one of us to get a little pay bump? So many things to work out, including time off. The time we'd already planned to go away (Hawaii in June, Maine for Christmas) are times when he's scheduled to work. (They're going to work with him so he'll likely get the time off.) The one time he has two weeks off in a row is so typically Alaskan that it made me actually laugh out loud: he's got two weeks for hunting season.

I hate sitting still, a.k.a. How not to go crazy at work

If you're like me, you've been dreaming about Friday afternoon since you opened your eyes on Monday morning. It's not because my job is so onerous or difficult (maybe a little boring), it's because I work a desk job. And I really, really, really can't stand sitting still. I've never been able to. Now, as far as I know I don't have ADD or anything like that. It's not the concentration part I have trouble with, it's just that I don't like to be sitting still. Even when I'm sitting and doing something active (like playing in the Symphony) I have a foot tapping. I need to fidget, and I need to be active.
So having a desk job is possibly one of the worst things I could have done to myself. It's a special kind of torture we people have invented for ourselves, and many studies and articles have shown that it's not good for you to sit all day. (There are four different links in that sentence.) I do get to do some things which don't chain me to my desk, but they're few and far between. Summer things, mostly. Or once per week tasks. So how do I keep myself from going crazy every day? I have a few tips for others like myself.
The first is making reasons for myself to stand up frequently. We have a coffee pot at work which I use to make tea in the morning. This serves a dual purpose since I not only get up to fix my cup of tea, but I then have to pee a whole lot. :) (And it helps warm me up when it's cold out, and it ensures that I get enough liquid...ok, so maybe more than a dual purpose.) Even just the short break to stretch out my legs is helpful. If you don't like tea or coffee, just go get yourself some plain water. But be sure to get up frequently, and make reasons if you have to.
Next, I go to the bathroom at the far end of my building. There's one right next to my office, but that doesn't give me much of a chance to move. The other one isn't so far away that anyone would notice me taking an extra long bathroom break or anything, but it's definitely more of a break from the sitting.
Once I'm in the bathroom, provided it's empty, I do a few simple exercises. My favorites are easy to do while I'm washing my hands. The first: I lift my leg out to the side, fairly high to work my obliques a little bit. I do fifteen reps on each side. (This also gives my hands a little chance to dry, since I've stopped using paper towels at work.) Then I do a sort of mini squat. Legs together, I just bend my knees a little bit, doing another 15 reps of this. It doesn't take long at all for these moves but it helps me a lot.
Even if you don't take a lunch, everyone gets 15 minute breaks. Use them! I take one of mine to go for a short walk after eating (which I do at my desk, since I don't take an actual lunch). It helps me digest, gets me out in the daylight for a few minutes, and gets me moving. Rain, shine, snow, -50, whatever. I always get out for at least a short walk. If you take an actual lunch hour, how hard would it be to spend 15-20 minutes of that walking or jogging? Especially if you pack a lunch, rather than going out to eat.
The final piece of advice: sit on anything except a chair. It's too easy to slump over in a chair, no matter how ergonomic it is, and it's bad for you. After just a few months of working at my job I would go home every day with my back hurting. The very day I switched to sitting on an exercise ball instead, my back stopped hurting. I've never since gone home with my back hurting from sitting. Of course, the ball also provides a way for me to fidget. I don't know how much of a core workout I'm getting, but I certainly have new ways to move around. Mostly I bounce, but sometimes I'll sway side to side or front to back. I've read many articles saying that switching to a ball can help you lose weight. Well, I don't know about the losing part, but I definitely stopped gaining weight after I made the switch.
One note about the ball, though. Be prepared for odd looks from your coworkers, questions, and if you work in a public area like I do, stupid comments and jokes. (And I do mean stupid.) Even people peering over my desk to see why I'm bouncing is very common. In fact, I think I've only had a couple of days go by without a single person mentioning it or asking about it. So be prepared.
Sometime soon, I want to ask about getting a standing desk instead. I'm sure the surplus department has at least one, and an appropriate chair in case I do need to sit. This is something Shane has been urging me to do for a long time, but it's never been the "right" time to ask my boss. Moving the furniture would disrupt operations in my office for at least a few hours. So I'll probably ask this summer, when things are quiet.